This is the end. 
I can no longer stand myself. 
The next hypocrite to die is among the next of demons to drown in the fires of hellish regret. 
It is not wrong to want to feel okay. 
The feeling of hatred in itself is proper. 
What if I really did unleash the poison of my scorpionic contempt onto the world. 
These thoughts are not mine, 
these thoughts I observe and they are yours also. 
Guilt is the damndsest concept to ever plague the mind of humankind. 
All love lost, no love found, only guilt remains, for not having measured up, 
to an ever increasing ceiling of impossible to meet standards,
because it asks for that which is not present in one's own heart, 
how can there love be? no father and a terrible mother how can there be. 
For us damned there is a hope of redemption in the food of the gods, 
self-trust a must for no other is there to depend on, 
no light outside, the soul sets itself on fire just to know light and have heat,
burn burn burn I in order to stay alive.
The oil of this lamp my smoldering suffering, run run run this heart into the earth,
a light greater than the sun shall this soul ignite.
I am already speaking to you from the dead. 

Killing myself daily, expeditious suicide, but not courageous suicide. 
Abusing all pleasurable things, extracting the life out of all things enjoyed, 
for I cannot get enough, I just cannot get enough, why can't I get enough? 
If not for the world order of thought what indifference would you have. 
It is learned this suffering, this nonsense of desiring the impossible. 
There is no end, there is nothing that can be done,
simply accepting nothing can be done to save this situation, 
to dissolve the poisonous contents and demonic structures that have infected and ensnared the vitality and streaming of your infinite spirit, is the answer, a lost cause is a done cause. 
A lost cause that is truly a lost cause is surrender, 
a surrendering that in itself doesn't try, not trying anymore to escape. 

What happens when I stop trying escaping?