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Being young and brash, I often feel the need to exert my "righteousness" onto people. Whenever I notice something about my friends, I point it out. Not because it had to be said, but because my mouth has the habit of always having an opinion.

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<h2>The Times I Messed Up</h2>
One time, I pointed out to a friend of mine that her straps on her backpack looked like seat belt straps. Now, it made a good joke but at the same time, was it <em>important</em> that she now views her once cherished bag as a sack with seat belt straps?

Or the other occasion when I was in a group and a friend of mine told me that a colleague is going to Company A. But I was so sure it was Company B that I mentioned it into submission. (Later I found out it was Company A)

Or this one other time where I was tempted to talk about this one fellow who I greatly admire, but just had to (for no good reason) mention what I think is wrong with him.

<em>Ben, you just had to. Don't you?
</em>I know I know. I'm a jerk who just can't shut up most of the time.

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<h2>Getting It Together</h2>
Realizing my mistakes lately (always happens this way), I decided to look for answers by reading the classics like <em>How to Win Friends and Influence Peopl</em>e and reading articles by my favourite modern writer, especially<em> Ryan Holiday.</em>

His best pieces of advice?
<ul>
	<li><strong>Always say less than necessary</strong>
(the more words you say, the higher the chances of saying something wrong)</li>
	<li>Ask yourself: “Am I saying this because I want <strong>to prove how smart I am </strong>or am I saying this because it<strong> needs to be said</strong>?” When you’re just getting started, it’s usually the former.</li>
</ul>
This was in of itself extremely helpful, but there was a test that was written ages ago by a philosopher named Rumi that is still used today and it goes:
<ul>
	<li>Before you speak your mind, let your word pass through the 3 gates:

<strong>At the first gate, ask yourself “Is is true?”</strong>
Is it factually correct? (My error with Company B fits here)

<strong>At the second gate ask, “Is it necessary?”</strong>Are you saying it to prove how smart you are or does it need to be said? (My seat belt observation fits the former)

<strong>At the third gate ask, “Is it kind?”</strong>
Is it something good and positive? (My for-no-good-reason negative opinion of someone fits here)</li>
</ul>
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<h2>The Cost of Being Wrong?</h2>
Being young and up-and-coming, we all feel the need to prove ourselves or exhibit some form of superiority to show that we got it going on. But at times, this is all merely a facade. Often times, it's insecurity. But it is alright to be wrong or to keep your mouth shut.

<em>What do you got to lose by being wrong?</em> Nothing much.

<em>What do you got to gain by being right?</em> Nothing much.<br /><center><hr/><em>Posted from my blog with <a href='https://wordpress.org/plugins/steempress/'>SteemPress</a> : https://bensimblog.com/speaking-your-mind/</em><hr/></center>