#### _Can a person be friends with an ex?_ 

A post from a group member in Facebook about the topic ignited my thoughts for a while that eventually led me to write something about it.
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 https://img.esteem.ws/aw9a3fuoki.jpg


<a href="http://www.naijaloaded.com.ng/others/lets-talk-naijaloadites-say-something-ex"> Image Source </a>
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**_I'm happily married for 7 years now. Despite the strong bond with my husband, the reality is, in our almost 6 years of relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend (almost 14 years of togetherness), it's full of jealousy, insecurities and hatred towards each other's exes. However, after being married, we kind of tolerated our co-existence with our past flames._**

> However, the question still stands: will you choose to be friends with you ex-lover/s?

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#### Looking back from my experiences, here are some of the reasons why you can't be friends with your ex:

#### 1. You had a bitter and hurtful break-up.
If the reason of the separation is way to painful to remember, you need your heart to completely heal. It takes time for you to recover. Seeing your past might trigger more sad memories and anger. Closing your door to that someone might lead to easier way out from the pain and bitterness it has brought you.
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<div class="pull-left"> https://img.esteem.ws/ra8gr9trec.jpg </div>

<a href="https://www.adv4life.com/article/how-do-i-get-over-a-bad-breakup/"> Source </a>

#### 2. The feeling is still there.
If you still love the person, even after you break up, you'll keep a distance for you to go on with your life. Being friends with an ex whom you still love will complicate things. A lot of things. On the other hand, an ex who is obviously still in love with you and befriending you is kind of scary if you don't feel the same anymore.


#### 3. New relationships.
When you're with a new special someone who is completely aware of your past, the plot will get thicker. A new relationship is unstable and insecure. Being close with an ex might trigger fights due to jealousy and stuff. Also, if the other one who's in a relationship, you might become the cause of the ruckus. So, keep distance - no matter how clean the intention is.

This is one of the things you should sort first before entering into a new relationship.

 ![image](https://img.esteem.ws/7bthiaazjq.jpg)

<a href="https://tinybuddha.com/blog/hard-to-trust-5-reminders-new-relationship-anxiety/"> Source </a>

#### 4. Your ex is a toxin to your life you want to eliminate.
If your past relationship made you miserably unhappy for a long time, your liberty is sweet and victorious. Your dignity and self worth are important to your whole being. If someone shattered you badly, *it's a no.go.for.me.*

 ![image](https://img.esteem.ws/ekowq1ghie.jpg)

<a href="http://www.thegloss.com/sex-and-dating/the-heart-monitor-keep-fighting-the-good-fight/"> Source </a>

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#### However, some factors in life can affect your decision if you still want a connection with the one you had a relationship with:


#### 1. Maturity.
When the level of understanding goes higher, you'll learn to accept the things you couldn't change. Your ex is a part in your life you can't erase. Whether you choose to totally eliminate the bond between you two or create a bridge of friendship, you'll learn to accept the past as your past and tomorrow is a different phase.

 ![image](https://img.esteem.ws/t2vtrtgurg.jpg)

<a href="http://www.plays-in-business.com/maturity-and-capability-what-is-it/"> Source </a>

#### 2. Your present life.
Whether you're in a new relationship or you chose to be single, how you feel about your current status will definitely affect your feelings towards your ex. If you're happy now, you'll be more forgiving but if you're sad presently, things may be hard and complicated if you rekindle the connection to the old flame.


#### 3. Your security.
Security with one's self can make or break your emotions about the past. Whether it's your current love's ex your your own's ex - if you're secured, there's nothing to be afraid of. 


#### 4. The world you both live in.
I mean, the distance and circumstances between you and your ex are important factors too. Imagine and ex who is your next door neighbor, it's hard to ignore seeing the person on a regular basis. What if you work in the same office or you both have same set of friends? 

 ![image](https://img.esteem.ws/shf2vhx27d.jpg)

<a href="http://mentalfloss.com/article/86682/15-best-neighbors-history"> Source </a>

#### 5. How intimate the relationship was.
Let's face it: some of your exes (if you had more than one), might be just one of your puppy loves or part of your infatuation. Some of it were just cute memories of yours that would make you smile once in a while. However, if one particular ex might gone too intimate with you, that may become your real struggle especially if there's a new flame in the picture.

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 https://img.esteem.ws/057yeuxnxq.jpg </div>
<a href="http://www.pravsworld.com/love-and-friendship/"> Source </a>


As for me, friendship is still a deep relationship towards someone. Friendship requires constant communication,  having empathy towards each other and once in a while spending time together. Thus, being friends with an ex in the truest sense, in my opinion is not attainable. I might call it being civil or having a tolerance on each other's co-existence. Or maybe, just befriend them on Facebook! LOL!

In the real world with its harsh realities, to me, exes are people that will teach you what love is all about. The lessons, the laughers, the sacrifices and the tears will make us grow as a person and prepare us to the right person we deserve.

> _How about you, do you prefer to be friends with an ex? Why or why not?_