"The Bulwark's Shadow" - A Novel in Progress via Steemit (Part II, Chapter 5)
fiction·@bucho·
0.000 HBD"The Bulwark's Shadow" - A Novel in Progress via Steemit (Part II, Chapter 5)
 I'm posting up the chapters of this uncompleted book as I hope the Steemit community might offer up its criticism (which would, in turn, force me to finish it, honestly). Started in 2008, this was my first foray into novel writing and was my undergraduate thesis required to graduate. The story is about an executioner in the not-too-distant future. Executioners are highly trained individuals with extensive educations built to help them execute their prisoners in the exact same manner that the prisoner's victims died. This is called the law of retaliation or _lex talionis_; you may know it better as "eye for an eye." Because I was also getting my degree in philosophy, I wanted to explore the ethics involved. While I feel I'm a better writer now and could certainly expand most of this book, I also really enjoy criticism as I'm usually too close to the work to see what's working and what's not (though in this case, there's plenty that I feel is not working). So please...feel free to criticize the work if you'd like, but be constructive about it. Simply saying "this part isn't good" doesn't tell me much; don't hesitate to tell me why it's not good or offer up possible alternatives to make it better. Thanks in advance! *** Previous Sections/Chapters: _Part I_ [Chapter One](https://steemit.com/fiction/@bucho/the-bulwark-s-shadow-a-novel-in-progress-via-steemit-chapter-1) / [Two](https://steemit.com/fiction/@bucho/the-bulwark-s-shadow-a-novel-in-progress-via-steemit-chapter-2) / [Three](https://steemit.com/fiction/@bucho/the-bulwark-s-shadow-a-novel-in-progress-via-steemit-chapter-3) / [Four](https://steemit.com/fiction/@bucho/tgjcj-the-bulwark-s-shadow-a-novel-in-progress-via-steemit-chapter-4) / [Five](https://steemit.com/fiction/@bucho/the-bulwark-s-shadow-a-novel-in-progress-via-steemit-chapter-5) / [Six](https://steemit.com/fiction/@bucho/the-bulwark-s-shadow-a-novel-in-progress-via-steemit-part-i-chapter-6) / [Seven](https://steemit.com/fiction/@bucho/the-bulwark-s-shadow-a-novel-in-progress-via-steemit-part-i-chapter-7) / [Eight](https://steemit.com/fiction/@bucho/the-bulwark-s-shadow-a-novel-in-progress-via-steemit-part-i-chapter-8) / [Nine](https://steemit.com/fiction/@bucho/the-bulwark-s-shadow-a-novel-in-progress-via-steemit-part-i-chapter-9) / [Ten](https://steemit.com/fiction/@bucho/the-bulwark-s-shadow-a-novel-in-progress-via-steemit-part-i-chapter-10) / [Eleven](https://steemit.com/fiction/@bucho/the-bulwark-s-shadow-a-novel-in-progress-via-steemit-part-i-chapter-11) / [Twelve](https://steemit.com/fiction/@bucho/the-bulwark-s-shadow-a-novel-in-progress-via-steemit-part-i-chapter-12) / [Thirteen](https://steemit.com/fiction/@bucho/the-bulwark-s-shadow-a-novel-in-progress-via-steemit-part-i-chapter-13) / [Fourteen](https://steemit.com/writing/@bucho/the-bulwark-s-shadow-a-novel-in-progress-via-steemit-part-i-chapter-14) / [Fifteen](https://steemit.com/fiction/@bucho/the-bulwark-s-shadow-a-novel-in-progress-via-steemit-part-i-chapter-15) / [Sixteen](https://steemit.com/fiction/@bucho/the-bulwark-s-shadow-a-novel-in-progress-via-steemit-part-i-chapter-16-the-end-of-part-i) _Part II_ [Chapter One](https://steemit.com/fiction/@bucho/the-bulwark-s-shadow-a-novel-in-progress-via-steemit-part-ii-chapter-11) / [Two](https://steemit.com/fiction/@bucho/the-bulwark-s-shadow-a-novel-in-progress-via-steemit-part-ii-chapter-2) / [Three](https://steemit.com/fiction/@bucho/the-bulwark-s-shadow-a-novel-in-progress-via-steemit-part-ii-chapter-3) / [Four](https://steemit.com/fiction/@bucho/the-bulwark-s-shadow-a-novel-in-progress-via-steemit-part-ii-chapter-4) *** It came quick and violent, the single flame to a dry-tinder forest ready to be engulfed. The cacophony of fists on walls and voices screaming up through the ceiling grew louder and louder through the populace as Panzer and I looked in confusion at each other. The other inmates were screaming at gods above and below while trying to beat their way out of the prison. I wanted to shut my cell door to keep both Panzer and I inside, but it was controlled by separate mechanisms that prevented the small measure of safety. Panzer got up from the bunk and poked his head out of the cell, looking from left to right, then turned back to me. His face had changed in the brief moment of assessing our situation; he had reverted to platoon defense. “Get under the bunk!” he screamed, blocking the doorway to the cell as the first wave of rioters stomped by. As I slid underneath the small area, I noticed one rioter had fashioned a wooden club from some unrecognizable object. He swung it towards Panzer, who caught it with both hands and brought his attacker close, sending his elbow straight into the guy’s nose. There was a spray of blood and I watched the drops fall to the floor as the rioter screamed in pain while falling to his knees. Panzer gripped the wooden weapon tight in both hands and stood guard at the door, watching as the rest of the prison lost themselves in some unhinged form of dissent. The shouting was unintelligible and enormous sounding in the low, thin hallways. I could hear the voices of guards in the background, coupled with the familiar static crackle of the electraprods on skin and tunics. “Panzer, get in here!” I yelled from underneath the bunk, hoping to appeal to his better senses. “Don’t let them think you’re a part of this nonsense!” “In a sec,” he shot back. “I see Riddle coming this way. I’m gonna grab him and pull him in.” I wondered how Riddle had gotten caught up in the rising tide of hostility and slid out from underneath the bunk in case Panzer needed help reeling him into the cell. I pressed up against the cell partition, hoping for a view of Riddle and saw his hand waving ecstatically from the middle of the throng. Panzer stepped into the mass of bodies and grabbed Riddle by the wrist, jerking him into the cell. Riddle tumbled to the floor and immediately jumped back up, anxious to go back into the hallway. “Why’d you do that, garblagget? I was free! FREE!” Without looking back, Panzer put his enormous fist out across Riddle’s chest, preventing him from leaving the tiny room. “You’re not going anywhere, Ridsy. Trust me when I say you weren’t even close to being free. You’ll only get hurt if you stay out there with them.” Riddle pounded on Panzer’s arm with both fists, trying to outmaneuver the strong man’s bulk and slip past him. Panzer turned to look at him and grabbed the tunic tightly. “Stop. Sit. Now.” Riddle stopped fighting back, but chose to stand and watch as the other inmates continued to make their way down the hall towards what they imagined was the exodus to topside. I could smell the sweat and fury from behind the partition and looked up at Panzer, who stood stonefaced just inside the entryway. The mass of bodies started to decrease in number, leaving only the screams and smell of electrified flesh in the air around us. Panzer turned to us. “You two need to sit on the bunk and do absolutely nothing right now.” I grabbed Riddle and pulled him onto the bunk where we sat in confusion. He kept trying to get up and I kept pulling him back down as Panzer stepped back from the doorway, holding the makeshift club out on his upturned palms as if giving someone that wasn’t there a gift. Three guards walked past, but one stopped when he saw the club. He screamed at the other two and came into the cell. “What’s this?” he asked angrily. “Were you waiting until we walked by to attack us?” Panzer shook his head no. “No, sir. I was attacked with this myself. I took it from my attacker and then punched him in the face. That’s why there’s blood on the floor in here. I’m giving this to you. None of us had any part in what just happened.” “Put it on the floor, now!” the guard demanded, charging up his electraprod as Panzer knelt slowly to lay the club at his feet. “Now step back and keep your hands on top of your head. You two,” he said, motioning to Riddle and I, “face the wall and put your hands above your heads. Now!” I could see the other two guards charging up their own electraprods through the partition. Riddle and I stood up slowly, walked to the back of the cell and put our hands up against the cold surface and looked at each other. A bead of sweat rolled down his forehead as he looked behind us to watch. “Keep your face to the wall, asshole!” one of the guards screamed at him as the electraprod sizzled against his lower back. I kept silent and shut my eyes, hoping for some form of leniency for our willingness to obey. I heard the clink of metal and assumed Panzer was being handcuffed. Riddle groaned beside me, but I didn’t want to chance looking at him for fear of being shocked myself. I had heard stories about the electraprods, but never in my twenty years had I been on the receiving end. I hoped today would not break that streak. The sound of boots clip-clopped around the floor and then a voice. “Lock up cell 321 immediately.” I heard the familiar sound of the door sliding shut and locking as the boots walked away, leaving Riddle and I standing in silence for a few minutes. “Think we can turn around yet?” Riddle whispered in a strained voice. “I don’t know, Ridsy.” I opened my eyes and noticed Riddle sneaking a peek behind us. “Panzer’s gone,” he muttered. I relaxed my body and rested my head against the wall, banging a fist against the wall as Riddle paced the room, muttering. “I was almost outta here,” he said. “I was almost topside.”