1
Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother?
My name is Paul.

2
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
-Snowballs.

3
Doctor: “Do you do sports?”
Patient: “Does sex count?”
Doctor: “Yes.”
Patient: “Then no.”

4
Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.
-Doctor: Don't worry. Mine too.

5
Judge: “Why did you steal the car?” 
Man: “I had to get to work.”
 Judge: “Why didn’t you take the bus?”
Man: I don’t have a driver’s license for the bus.

6
At a psychiatric ward: “Doctor, what should we do with the new guy in room 6? He believes he’s a wolf.” 
-Doctor: “Whatever you do, don’t let his grandmother visit!”

7
Some nice Chinese couple gave me a very good camera down by the Washington Monument.
I didn’t really understand what they were saying, but it was very nice of them.

8
Doctor, how can I live longer than 100 years? 
Do you smoke?
No.
Do you eat too much?
No.
Do you go to bed late?
No. 
Do you have affairs with promiscuous women?
No.
Then why would you want to live more than 100 years?

9
Do you know how to make a dumb person curious?”
-“No, how?”
-“I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

10

“Excuse me, sir, have you seen a police officer around?”
-“No, not a soul, actually.”
-“Very good, now give me your wallet, watch and laptop!”