![WIN_20170819_08_06_45_Pro.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmPGATwr2Kx7cJvkvrVPTrBP1sS98JWZ1VPKupdqjG6Yyq/WIN_20170819_08_06_45_Pro.jpg)
<center>__My recent photo date Aug. 19th 2017, with a slightly smaller face than today__</center> 

I have had many friends and somewhat I lost most  of them, with one just recently visited me and gave me some few kilos of rice, a tradition from them to give because he is a rice farmer. He also texts me from time to time, checking on how things are going. Other than him, no one ever had visited me except from few church brethren but they are only lead by their church duties and not really for friendship to me.

Recently, about more than two years ago when I was still not as looking as bad like now, my neighbor here beside our house, my friend, not a close one died and I just went to his home to see what's happening to confirm the news. Then after a day I returned for the wake, I sat calmly, then I saw my other friends, they saw me and  there was an air of discomfort, something awkward I felt. The gestures and secret smiles as they saw me. They didn't even talked to me. Something was wrong, feeling uneasy, I just went home.

![WIN_20170503_17_22_20_Pro.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmXDc5ffRrvgBJMQVcwWypi899v8aT7ie6TbwbRy6oAQjD/WIN_20170503_17_22_20_Pro.jpg)
<center>__This photo taken only ten months ago. I thought that my appearance here was the worst it can get.__</center>

Looking at a small mirror I saw something different. I was surprised as I had gazed at a different being. My appearance changed dramatically and it was the reason lately I was treated differently by my friends. I actually had noticed my appearance during my visits to the barber. Sometimes I cannot even look at the mirror at the barbershop and trying to ignore the changes that was happening to my facial features.

Then altogether I stopped looking at the mirror and only checked again after my friends gave me the awkward treatment on my friend's funeral wake. It was the time I ended my social life as my friends drift away because of my condition as I felt ever more awkward every passing day and even kids started to tease me.

Even some of my nephews are afraid to come to me, I just missed the days that they are growing and not spending time with them. But I was just lucky enough to have spent some time with my favorite niece, now a teenager and also now shying away from me. It is just because of my terrible face and body deformations that nobody even wants to look at me. Even my brother that supports me can't even look at me and looks away when I talk to him, it's just funny and sad.

But my appearance was the least of my worries because I am having a lot of pain even when sitting and laying down especially when walking and it's unbearable when coupled with breathlessness. I am limited to just laying down on my bed doing Internet work like steemiting which I can find support and care. The love that I needed from my friends that I lost are being filled up by this community and there is no vessel to contain my gratefulness and thankfulness for all of it.  
<center>![MeBefore.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmUrdxs44v9C5sjAUx2guy2X7unYG3pft3ittbrWFeMDia/MeBefore.jpg)</center>
<center>__This photo taken 10 years ago__</center>