<h4>These last weeks, it has been extremely hard for me to pay attention to normal things like planning for the future, solving problems around me, commenting on Steemit (I've barely made any comments in the last few weeks), posting and even leaving this "inside-myself" mode in which I've entered.</h4>

https://i.imgur.com/WAgrFTi.jpg
<center><sup>Image taken from Pixabay</sup></center>

<h2>What I've been doing</h2>

The only things I've been doing have been reading books like crazy and watching movies and series.

I watched a documentary yesterday (the first season of Mind Field by Vsauce). It was lovely but too outside of my world, so I could not continue enjoying it during the second season. On the other hand, I've been reading nonstop. Yesterday, I almost didn't get out of my bed. I spent the whole time re-reading [Douluo Dalu](https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/0B9qtGCTTjZTeflRWMHRtUkxLU19hT0ZmR0NrRThrZ0dRdVBON1BxUi0yZlhSSTU2YlhFS2s), thinking about fantasy worlds and developing them in my mind and in writing, and not much else.

I rewatched the first season of Stranger Things. Whenever my mind decides it's ready, I'll watch the second one, and also the last seasons of Game of Thrones, Silicon Valley and Westworld. I'll also finish reading all the volumes of each of the Douluo Dalu books if I can.

These days, it's even hard to go to eat. I don't feel much hunger or much of any need. It's not that I desire to be in this state. For the most part, I just lack wants and desires apart from my impulse to consume and create.

<h1>Back to normal</h1>

This means that I've gone back to normal. Before Steemit, I was like this. It was Steemit that "extroverted" me for a few months. I love talking to people, but I don't feel any urge to do it anymore. I know that if I don't connect with people here, I won't have any results on Steem (and the same applies to the real world, where I'm also isolated). Steem is the only thing I do apart from my normal within-myself-ness. But I find it really hard. It's like swimming against the current through a very thick and muddy swamp.

And the current, though not strong per se, is enough to move me back toward inaction. This state brought me to where I am, to being knowledgeable in languages, technology, literature and other random stuff that I don't need but I just "felt like learning". I just lied on my bed and read books and used my laptop and I became "learned" in these topics, to the point in which there are people who have told me that they admire my savviness.

But it's just like being asleep. I sleep and, like in my dreams where the world takes me wherever it wants and I can't direct it, I just follow my impulses, which are to stay right here, unmoving, and read the topics which my mind finds all-consuming.

<h3>Want some music to listen to? I love this album (one of my favourites):</h3>

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYvqE-eOXhE

<img src="https://i.imgur.com/KxT9Uwc.png">

I remember a night long ago when I went to a concert. Arch Enemy came to Venezuela and I excitedly convinced my dad to take me to see them. I talked to everyone I met and when they started playing, I simply stood there and even forgot to listen to them, or to watch them play. I simply watched three people who were dancing not far away from me. The girl moved her red hair in circles, her boyfriend bobbed his head, and their big friend just moved left and right to the rhythm of the music.

I can barely remember the music, and I can't remember what the band looked like that day. I can't even remember ever looking at the stage. I don't have any image of it. I only remember those three people dancing for a long while, a bottle of water, my thoughts about the world, about friendship, about music, sound acoustics, and my experience outside, on the queue, talking to people.

I had a very good time. I remember a very pleasurable brown colour. There must have been something wooden lying around, because that's the colour that the day has in my mind.

Similar things have happened at parties. I remember my surroundings at a table. The surroundings are varied colours, silhouettes and two or three faces of the people who talked to me, but not much more. Some pretty plants, thoughts and reflections, the colour of the drinks.

I can't remember much of school either. Not about the subjects that I studied, just the landscapes outside the windows, the colour of the classroom and the "feel" they had. I remember certain events and faces and that's it. When I asked a few classmates what they remembered of me, they said that I was always looking out the window, that I never paid attention, and on my earlier exams in my first grades, I even looked out the window for the duration of exams, to the point where I did not answer the questions many times.

I find it funny now, and then I look at myself and realise that I have not changed much. I find life to be sweet; not too sweet, but enjoyable even where most live in misery in Venezuela. I guess that's one of the pros of being an introverted weirdo. Another advantage I have is that my weight doesn't change despite my inactivity. I've seen so many get fat or get acne on their faces or weird stuff. I'm just unchanging, forever, skinny and normal. It's as if I had evolved to be a bookworm. I'm a different species! But seriously, I should get out more and exercise a little bit.

<img src="https://i.imgur.com/57raa1k.png">

#### I digressed, but it might be for the best. Writing this, I realised that I don't want to leave my introverted mode. It's where I'm happy, even if it means that I'll be unable to work, study or even continue living. Great...