另一种意义的清明节
hive-105017·@davidke20·
0.000 HBD另一种意义的清明节
对于失去亲人的伤痛这一环，拉叔我一直都有着一种想像力。只是，想和理解又是另一回事。因为，想像的死去是还没死去。而真实世界里人死了，活下来的人对于死去的人的思念就会“开始”算起，在不同的生活节奏，不同的环境，都会对死去的人有不同的思念和感受。  我不觉得我特别坚强，不过我现在对于老拉叔的离去，感觉就好像知道他出远门去了，而且这辈子都不回来。我也知道他不再会打电话来，就算是梦见他，那也不过是我脑海里残留了他的影子在我的记忆力里头。  我不相信报梦。如果老拉叔能以报梦的方式来给我喊话，那我应该不少前度还没死就给我报梦投诉了。远的不说，身边的母老虎也有报梦过。我不管你给我什么玄学理由，尽管我再怀念某死去的人，我会确切的认为那是因为我的怀念而产生的“代入”梦点。  扯开话题一下，母老虎今次斋戒好像完全没有斋过。到了怡保市，她的第一餐就是怡保有名的鸡丝河粉。看着她吃，我都口水直流了。回到题内话，换句话说，清明节对于我这个人来说，就是生命中的其中一天而已。扫墓活动已经变成了形式上的种族传统仪式。  自从老拉叔走了以后，其实老妈也态度不同了。至少不会像以前一般为她老公挑这个选那个。与其说她失去了为老拉叔而活的方向，不如说她现在终于有机会为自己而活了。以前老拉叔在，她知道我老爸喜欢吃烤面包，她绝对不吃，免得老拉叔看着她享受又不能吃。  我嘛…随便点。反正天白肚子就是准备扫墓去。反正知道现在新型的墓地都是有管理费的，定时有人来给整洁，扫墓已经变成了单纯拜祭仪式。既然我们信教的，灵魂都已经登极了，剩下在地上的不就是一堆白骨吗？  老拉叔住这里，还留了个位给老妈。我没有不尊重的意思，不过一看到老拉叔的骨灰在一个瓦瓶子里，还有他那副眼镜，一本圣经，还有他生前喜爱的口风琴，忽然就想象到要是老妈也走了，那她的那个盆子装着她的骨灰，那岂不是变成了永远隔着个瓶子的亡命鸳鸯？还被永远关在一个格子里。我这都不敢想象了。  婆婆的在这里。我还没见过她老公（即是我公公，连坟墓都没见过），听说很早就回去唐山然后死了葬在不知那一个客家山。听说我婆婆是小五😂小三是第二个吧？忽然我的思想又从怀念到不知想去那里了。他们上去南天门不就济济一堂了？会不会打架啊。在那边就不再有其他地方可以逃了吧。 于是结束了这次清明之行…
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