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I remember vividly the day I was asked that question. It was a hot, sunny afternoon, and the radiation from the sun sent hot glows onto the Earth, that even the air in the fairly big office felt choky to me. The power was yet to be restored, and, thank goodness the door of the office was widely opened to allow for a little ventilation, making the air conditioner on the wall above to appear as a toy.

The youth coach and legal practitioner, Mr Jacobs, swung his swivel chair back and forth, snapping me out of my reverie. My eyes landed on his, and the words I'd managed to form evaporated into thin air. His eyes bore a high level of patience, the same they always had each time he sat face-to-face with young minds like me.

I adjusted in my seat and cleared my throat. Fidgeting with my fingers, I scanned my heart for a safer way to start.

“It... it's because I have passion for it,” I said with a tone a notch above a whisper, satisfied that somehow I was convincing enough. 

“Are you sure?” his words came again, his eyes still fixated on mine. 

For the first time, I had to pause to allow the words to resonate within. “Are you sure?” Then, it wasn't just his words ringing in my head; it became mine. Was I sure? Did I truly want to go the path I chose out of some baseless pressures?

I know you may be having a hard time deciphering what this whole story is about. Here's it. I've been a die-hard fan of everything related to artistry — drawing, painting, and writing. And what is the icing on the cake? For as long as I can remember, I've been a pro at stage performance; I create beautiful, compelling stories; and lastly, the diverse awards I earned from public speaking over the years hung on the wall of my bedroom, with dust and dirt blinding them from coming into limelight.

Life had taken a twist when I found myself going a different path from my passion, as influenced by peers. I settled for sciences instead. And as my parents’ mantra, ‘do what you think is best for you’. Well, that didn't help matters, as I continued my way into the sciences, struggling almost all the time. 

I soon wrapped up high school and gained admission into the higher institution, to study statistics. While I thought of just going ahead to accept the admission, I was torn between the choice of rejecting the offer or going ahead with my worst fear. 

What if I failed? What if I was withdrawn? What if the pressures of that path drained me till I lost myself? 

The questions, one after the other, took the remaining spaces left in my crowded mind. Now, it wasn't about the fears but the fact that I could soar so high into the sky, with a career related to my passion. I would have an upper hand navigating through, than letting myself hold on to the baggage of a path I didn't understand myself. 

Believe me, it wasn't about the field of statistics; on the contrary, I think this is someone's everyday dream — to become a statistician. But certainly not me. I belong to the art world. 

So now you know why I had to sit before the academic director, youth coach, and legal practitioner, Mr Jacobs. 

Mr Jacobs leaned forward enough to close up a few gaps before us, his elbows resting on the bureau. 

“Tina, you are a beautiful, vibrant lady, gifted with many abilities than a person your age could handle. Why throw all of it away?” 

I swallowed a lump of saliva at the rhetorical question. 

He was not done. “For every time you pursue a course without a deep passion for it, you may not make the most of it. How about you channel your energy towards a course related to your passion? If you sharpen your oratory and acting skills, you'll be a highly sought-after person. Then it wouldn't just be about the certificate, but the skills, expertise, creativity, and, of course, knowledge lurking through every fiber of your being.”

He paused to gaze elsewhere like something else was intriguing. I followed his eyes.

“Why do I feel this is not about you?” 

Again, a rhetorical question that had me stealing my gaze from his. He was right. It had never been about me, but people, people, and people. 

“You know what, dear? Go home, ponder on our discussion, and take time to ask yourself this question: what do I really want?” 

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I'm now in my finals, about to drop my undergraduate pen, and it's safe to say that my meeting with Mr Jacobs was what birthed the new me. This new Tina is willing to give her passion a chance, ditch the noise around, and embrace healthy self-esteem regardless. This new Tina is now a soon-to-be graduate of the Theatre Arts Department. Right now, she's sitting at the foot of her bed, grinning from ear to ear, as she let her eyes dance from one part of the room to another. From her view, the portraits and awards hang brightly on the wall, no more blinded from the limelight. 

©Delightedpen
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