I don't know why.  But i think I'm actually scared of having a committed  relationship with someone.  I think so because i do not have a best friend. And i believe a lover should double as a best friend. 
I have friends, good friends. And it seems, unconsciously, i made sure none of them actually knows everything about me. Like i cut out pieces of myself, of my past and experiences, and shared it among them. Each person holding a part of me the other doesn't. And so, since i am unable to unload all of me unto the waiting palms of someone, preferring instead to divide myself into bits and pieces. I call the custodians of me 'besties'.  And it hurts when any of them calls me their best friend  and i am unable to do the same.
I do not have a best friend. I hate that fact yet i love it. ![image](https://img.esteem.ws/c5l39axeiu.jpg)


![image](https://img.esteem.ws/fqhmcw0nrg.jpg)