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Don't get me wrong, there's nothing amazing that's keeping me up at night. Like listening to some acoustic band by the beach with a glass of White Russian in my right hand. Or swimming under the bright moon and sitting by the fire after. Instead of those, I get howling dogs from somewhere far God knows where and I swear, I want that dog to die. If something or worse, someone has caused its pain, I just want it to end. I want the suffering to end. I imagine going to the same town council or some police filing a complaint about this peace disturbance problem and they would not believe me anymore. <i>Were you the same person complaining about your neighbor's dogs but you didn't win because he is one of us? You are not one of us. You are alone here.</i> I was told. Then I wake up from this nightmare and it turns out, these people are zombies, they are outside my house to get me. They are out there to devour my brain. I try to plan how to get out of this town. I coldly calculated. What can I do? I don't know anyone here. I am an outsider and I feel helpless. Potential allies are far away. So now, I have no choice but to be a Zombie Slayer. I am sleeping with one eye open. Doors are locked at all times, in constant alert for attacks. I am unpredictable and always changing. I never show my routine to anyone because they will know. I am a diabolic slayer of dog and human zombies.

Paranoia, PMS, life goals, howling dogs, the ghost of the past and nagging thoughts keep me awake. I  wish I can trust someone again. I want to feel fear again. I wish someone is not going to hurt me. I wish someone will hold me close and tell me everything is going to be alright. But instead, I just talked to myself. Like I always do. Hey crazy self, this too shall pass you know. There's nothing you cannot do anymore. Remember that truck driver in Brazil who almost pounded you with a mallet and tricked you into getting to your destination? Remember how you thought fast enough to be able to get away swiftly that night. Remember how you pretend you just want to park somewhere to sleep but instead you ran away for help still with a knife in your hand. Naaah, just the knife you used to peel fruits and not get hungry on the road. Remember that dude in the car who was touching your hair but you were able to get off safely. Remember when someone pointed a gun to your head to rob your stuff. You didn't even flinch or anything. Calm as a Hindu cow. God knows it could have been acid and you'd be ugly now. And you won't be able to bear your life alone you'd want to die. Remember remember. STOP.

It is going to be very uncomfortable soon. When will I get my project up and running? When will I start making some money? How can I pay the rent? When, how, why? Is there anybody there? For me. Emotional vents, rants and such. The usual aches of life are keeping me awake these days. Petty things that occupy the space in my mind at night. They haunt me while I sleep. My mind wanna say, sorry we're full at the moment. Find another mind.

What will I do to those who wronged me? The town's zombies who want to burn me. But soon I know, I will be walking into the new place. I would be arriving there. Arriving forever. Soon I would be able to afford the luxury of silence and sleep. No more howling dogs, ghosts of the past, nagging thoughts and worries about the future.

I know I am just waiting for the sunlight. I want to greet the day without any idea if I had fallen asleep or not. I know I am just waiting for my cat to start meowing to wake me up for his meal. There are big rats rattling above the ceiling. Bigger problems. 

I just want to go somewhere, please. No more zombies, big rats, howling dogs, and ghosts...

There's always that temptation to think. But I want to think about nothing anymore. Just nothing. Bloody nothing and nothing more. Tomorrow, Id be able to sleep. It's going to be another great adventure.