The fundamental problem with finding out what you really want in life are the sheer uncountable possibilities that are out there and waiting for you. No-one can overlook this and it is pure coincidence that you pick the right choice.

That is why *at first* you shouldn't look for what you like and want, but for the opposite:


## Find out what you don't want and don't like, it's easy

I don't like spinach.
I don't like getting up early.
I don't like driving bike in the rain.
I don't like it when it's too hot.
I don't like smelly feet.
I don't like the thought of spending Christmas with my parents.
I don't like nightmares.
I don't like hearing the breath of other people.
I don't like to hang up my washed clothes.
I don't like buying shoes.

These are 10 things I don't like and it took me less than a minute to come up with them. I am sure, I can come up with another 10 in the same time and maybe another twenty within five minutes. *But that's it.*

After that things get specific, like "I don't like buying shoes in shops where I have the feeling the sales people are watching me. It makes me nervous and I get the feeling of having to run away." That is one of my specific dislikes and there are many more. But they are usually bound to very specific conditions and they too are very limited in number.


## Strangely, there are not that many things we don't like. 

Theoretically, there is an infinite number of things we don't like, of course. But when it comes to things, we experience at least once per year, the list is very finite. There are not more than 300 items on it and that's it.

If you don't believe me, try it out yourself. When you go through your day and you come across something that you don't like, think actively **"I don't like this"**. I  bet it's not more than 5 different things. The same is the case for a week. Maybe there are 20 moments containing something you don't like. And per month, its probably 50. 


## Optimize your life: Learn how to navigate around the things you don't like

When I started thinking about what I personally don't like, it took me about two months until I realized, that the most things I don't like a repeating. It was annoying that although I did know that something bothered me, I still had to face it. Some of those things were inevitable (getting up early for example), but other things were my own fault. All I had to do is anticipating them and then work myself around it. 

That of course is easier done than said, because it takes time and effort and you have to built a new custom. But eventually, this extra attention blows over as soon as the new custom is established. 

For the most part, it is possible to avoid things you don't like. You just have to make yourself aware of them.


## Knowing what you don't like is a negative definition of yourself

When you managed to get this far, you won't be a better or happier person or know better what you want. All you know now is what you don't like and how to get around it. 

In fact, this state is quite an empty one, because you've removed all negative environmental stimuli and you know everything about what to avoid, but there is a huge gap when it comes to the question of what you want. It's a bit like a snow angel. You've removed everything disturbing from the inside and now there is a silhouette, but you and your life lack in content.

http://www.linsensicht.de/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/2013_03_13_16_53_P1160273_thumb.jpg

*You see an angel, but not a smile* 

## When you know what you don't like, it is time to learn what you want

When you have made yourself aware of all the things you don't like, started working around them to remove them from your life and start realizing that things still aren't perfect or in fact something is missing, **then it is time for the positive definition of yourself**.

You do that just as you did the negative definition:

I like chocolate.
I like massages.
I like finishing tasks on time.
I like laughing.
I like cars.
I like to think recursively.
I like funny women.
I like to watch cartoons.
I like the smell of tobacco.
I like the sound of trees in the wind.

These are another 10 things, but this time I like them. Although you can find as many things as you don't like and maybe also at the same speed, it is important here to become as specific as possible. The reason for this is a very special one:

## Create scenarios with things you like

It's all about building up a database of things that make you feel better or where you are good at and things that you generally like. As long as this list of things you like stays general, it won't be much of use. You have to make it specific, because then those will become situations that you can actively pursue the same way, as you avoid things you don't like.

The rule is: *The better you know what you don't like, the better you can avoid it and the better you know what you like, the better you can pursue it.*

An example would be "I like the sound of trees in the wind, especially of big trees that are not standing in a forest but in a field, with wind blowing and I take a walk there on a sunny afternoon in fall, maybe together with someone and we both wear appropriate clothes with caps, coats and outdoor shoes." That is a scenario and I exactly know how to pursue it. And hopefully, it will be a nice experience. 

This scenario thinking of things that you like does not just apply to recreational activities. You can also use them for your study, for learning something generally or for your job. Just imagine, how you would like that scenarios go down (ideally including the don't like aspects and how to work around them).


## Create scenarios, but don't make them too complex or depending on others

Everything has downsides and besides the danger of constant daydreaming or *kopfkino* you have to watch out, that your scenarios don't become too complex. The more details and the more complexity, the less likely and the more expensive things can become. It also contains the risk of anger when something doesn't go your way. 

Another problem is the risk of making things depending on the decisions of others. Others have things they don't like and like as well and sometimes it is the same as you have and sometimes it is not or just a bit. Be aware of that and try to learn how find out and define what you have in common preferences with others and what not. Then, do it as usually and only do things with others where you know they like it as well.


## Therefore, always keep things simple, because increasing complexity is easy, but removing it and going back to simplicity, that is the true secret.


Here a short wrap up of how to get there:

A) Find out what you don't like
1. Make a list in your mind with everything you don't like
2. Learn to identify these things in advance
3. Actively avoid situations with things you don't like

B) Find out what you really like:
1. Make a list in your mind with everything you really like
2. Be as specific as possible and create scenarios in which you pursue things you like
3. Watch out that you don't want too much at once.


**I hope, this is helpful for you!**