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I have tried to avoid speaking about this to anyone but the more I scroll down my page, it's all I see. on the radio station on my drive to church today, it was all I heard, then in church, my pastor chipped it Into the preaching, on my way back my husband had to ask about the same thing 

***I am sure at this point you are wondering what I am talking about?***

Well, it is the viral story in Nigeria about a popular gospel singer who was killed as a result of the severe domestic abuse by her husband. It's all over social media that she was brutally beaten till she went Into a coma that she never woke up from. Initially, the news reported that she died from cancer till her good friend debunked the fake Information and brought the truth to light and suddenly everyone who knew her is beginning to speak up about the true situation which was domestic violence, what they should have handled before it got to this point. Anyway, that is not why I choose to write about it.

##### I am pissed!!!
not at the situation because domestic violence that leads to death happens every day, no matter how hard everyone warns about it, there are still victims out there and the trend is never-ending but I am more pissed at our online marriage counselors and adviser.
![](https://images.pexels.com/photos/6414754/pexels-photo-6414754.jpeg?cs=srgb&dl=pexels-rodnae-productions-6414754.jpg&fm=jpg)
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I am pissed at the fact that everyone suddenly has some advice to give, regarding abuse, everyone knows what's best for abuse victims and everyone is now an online marriage counselor, meanwhile, it is these same people online and offline that would laugh at a woman who leaves her marriage with comments like

>“She can't keep a man”, “she is the problem”.

These same advisers  are the reason a lot of people chose to stay in an abusive relationship because of the shame and gossip and scandal it would cost them in a long run.

I know of someone who has been posting this advice all day and same said person was the first to bring a story to my table about a mutual friend who left her marriage of 2 years, I remember how much she had to say that was so damaging and if I wasn’t thoughtful enough I would have believed all she said, till I had to call and speak to the mutual friend who had to explained that she had to leave because of the emotional abuse she had to face every day...

I went back to her  to explain the situation and advised her not to conclude without getting facts and I got the usual 

>“EVEN THOUGH” after a lavish wedding, her husband is a nice man, I see his post, she must be lying?

***Like ABUSER must be written on the forehead...***🙄

I have thought about the singer's situation over and over again and I think she stayed back mostly for the image she has built as a gospel singer because I am sure her music career  would be long dead if she was tagged a woman from a “**separated home**” or “**divorced**”, I am so sure most church or program would not want her to minister, they would probably come up with the saying “she doesn't portray a good image as divorced or separated so she can't minister to our congregation”


I am not saying this based on mere assumption but facts, growing up I have witnessed this happen over and over again. One minute there is a push to help an abuse victim out of the marriage then the next minute there is the shame and blame poured on this same victim. The same church that helped becomes the same church that stigmatized the situation, by announcing it and using it as a topic of discussion on the altar every other Sunday.

![](https://images.pexels.com/photos/5723325/pexels-photo-5723325.jpeg?cs=srgb&dl=pexels-anete-lusina-5723325.jpg&fm=jpg)
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It is high time we do better, our social media aunties and uncle, counselors, and pastors need to do better, it is more than just saying and dropping quotes, actions need to be taken. Sadly, this happened to her but I hope the lesson was learned and it helps a lot of women in the same situation take the leap and move, ignoring everyone and whatever they have to say and just do what needs to be done for survival sake.