So I have less than $6 US monies to my name, but with the Gyft app anything is possible. 

I scroll through my account and find that I have $10.98 worth of value at Target. That seems like enough, and I don't want to get involved in a quagmire where I'm waiting on the Bitcoin network to confirm and I already waited so long that I might as well keep waiting. So I don't bother topping up and I walk over to Target.

If I go slightly over, I can dip into my USD reserves. 

I like to try to figure out which of the chemically enhanced tomatoes contains the most life force.

https://i.imgsafe.org/252bc38786.jpg

Deep down I know it's so uniform and probably isn't worth any time, other than maybe checking for bruises, but I can't help myself. I pick one and then head over to the lettuce.

Lately I've preferred the Fresh Express 'SHREDS' over the actual head of iceberg lettuce. 

https://i.imgsafe.org/255609f053.jpg

It's more convenient for me since that's how I would choose to cut it, and I feel like as long as you're eating produce from Target there's really no additional shame in going all the way with it and being the typical American consumer.

Because of the $10.98 budget, however, I'm considering the head for $1.19.

https://i.imgsafe.org/257a84a970.jpg

But look at that coloration? That's on the bottom end of what you'd expect, so I take the bag for $1.99.

Gardein seven grain crispy tenders cost $4.29, and I'm up to $7.26 total.

https://i.imgsafe.org/259e3f16f4.jpg

I have the sauce and condiments that I'll need at home, so all that's left is the bread.

Bread can be a bit of a wildcard, because Target doesn't keep a deep supply, so things can sell out and you have to just see what they want to give you today. (And I'm limited to the brands that don't use milk on top of that.) 

But today is a good day, they have the best one.

https://i.imgsafe.org/259e4a9b38.jpg

Italian round bread with the powdery substance on top. 

I'm thinking it might be $3.49 and I'm willing to pay it, but I can't make sense of the price tags. I bring it to the scanner and find out it's $2.99, and I consider this a bonus.

I have enough room left to think about a drink, and I'm happy to see that the cans of Arizona are on sale for $0.59. 

https://i.imgsafe.org/259e52a6d6.jpg

Two cans of the Southern Style Half & Half runs me a little beyond my gift card value, but that's more or less what I'm looking for, because if I go under either it's wasted or I have to awkwardly use a card for 16 cents or whatever at some point.

https://i.imgsafe.org/259e623fac.jpg

I probably seem vaguely normal when I pay with a gift card app and then finish it off with spare change. That happens sometimes. But little do they know I planned it all out.

Back home now, and first I stir together the blue cheese substitute. 

https://i.imgsafe.org/289ba30ba9.jpg

You could easily *just* use mayo (such as [Hellmann's "Carefully Crafted"](http://www.hellmanns.com/product/detail/1110074/carefully-crafted-dressing?gclid=CKPx4q3o-88CFQ5ahgodjIwBUg&gclsrc=aw.ds), a vegan alternative) and essentially skip this step. 

But I like to play around with it.

I add a small amount of tahini to thicken it, vinegar and/or lemon juice for a little tang, and season it with garlic, black pepper, and dill, or whatever might be on hand.

https://i.imgsafe.org/289bbcea29.jpg

At some point you'll need to slice your tomato and toast your bread, but it's up to you how you coordinate the steps.

Once the seven grain tenders hit the oil everything happens pretty quick, so I like to lay it all out in advance.

https://i.imgsafe.org/289d2b2f02.jpg

You should have the oil heating in a frying pan, and in a small pot concoct the buffalo sauce, which is just Frank's Red Hot and (optional) a vegan butter substitute. 

Just to be artsy, I like to sprinkle garlic powder and maybe some basil spice into the sauce.

When you're ready, sizzle 'em up:

https://youtu.be/rSLv4vrga0U

Spread the mayo creation onto each slice of toast (top and bottom, both sandwiches).

https://i.imgsafe.org/289ecf330c.jpg

Flip your tenders into the hot sauce 

https://i.imgsafe.org/29c08790a6.jpg

and lay them onto the bread.

https://i.imgsafe.org/29cca61a6d.jpg

Add your lettuce shreds.

https://i.imgsafe.org/29ccc153b5.jpg

Assemble your sandwich, and bisect it.

https://i.imgsafe.org/29d760e936.jpg

And then you dine.

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Here's the full list of ingredients that you'll need if you want to try this:

* *mayonaise-substitute*
* *tahini* (optional)
* *garlic powder* (optional)
* *dill weed (optional)*
* *black pepper* (optional)
* *vinegar and/or lemon juice* (optional)
* *lettuce*
* *tomato*
* *bread*
* *vegetable oil*
* *Gardein seven grain crispy tenders (or the mock chicken of your choice)*
* *Frank's Red Hot sauce ([Frank's buffalo sauce](https://www.franksredhot.com/products/buffalo-wings-sauce/) is vegan too according to my research; "butter type flavor" is artificial and non-dairy)*
* *butter-substitute (optional)*
* *dried basil (optional)*

*if you aren't vegan then of course you could use whatever mayo you have on hand and it would be basically the same*

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I know I'll just sound like a vegan homer when I say this, but I actually consider this a **_superior eating experience_** than the meat and dairy counterpart.

For one because the relative lightness of it means you can eat it forever, until you get full, without the turmoil of balancing how you'll feel later. 

And mock meats are getting *really* good.

I mean think about it: actual chicken is bound to whatever chicken tastes like, but the mock alternative can be more perfectly tailored to whatever tastes delicious to us.

I get that the tastes of bacon and steak can't really be duplicated. But chicken? Meh, it isn't really *that* interesting without spices and sauces. It's kind of just asking to be improved.

And the kicker is that the mock tenders come ready to fry out of the package. So the parallel to this isn't whatever fresh chicken breast you like, because then you have to slice and bread it yourself. The parallel is whatever frozen patty sort of thing you can find.

https://i.imgsafe.org/2c9e5a88fd.png

And I think it's just really tough to match the quality using actual meat, rather than something that's *designed specifically* to be frozen and ready to eat.

I know there are people who would prefer to cut back on meat consumption here and there, even if not go vegan any time soon, so I present this as a boss maneuver that anybody would love.

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*photos all sourced from me originally*