It's been a tough week; Forget work, the virus rubbish and all the other pressures of daily life...It's been a tough week because we've watched the fast-decline of one of my cats and it's left me feeling very depressed and sad.

Merlin, our elder-statesman at twenty two years of age, took a turn for the worst around we week and a half ago but in this last couple of days has really gone downhill. He's very old for a cat of course, but that doesn't negate the feelings Faith and I are having; We are really depressed and sad. 

![20200621_114555.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/galenkp/TICJ577F-20200621_114555.jpg)

Merlin has been steadily losing weight for some time and has gone from a very strong and active cat to a slow-moving, skinny little fellow. Of course we have given him the best care possible and he has shown no sign of being in any pain, as is the way with cats, however it's time to take him to the vet which is happening this evening. 

Merlin walks very slowly around the house moving by feel. We're not certain if he is totally blind although expect that he only sees shapes or shadows as he will walk right up to something, bump it with his head or feel it with his whiskers then stop, turn and move on; It's very sad to watch as he spends a lot of time slowly walking in circles. Only just now he walked right through his milk bowl. It's really sad and it makes me feel very upset. Yeah, I know, I'm supposed to be tough, but Merlin is my best mate, has been for twenty two years and...

Hang on...

...Ok, I'm back. 

I'm supposed to be tough and manly, but this little fellow is such a big part of my life and it has been really distressing to watch him decline...And it will only get worse. 

When Merlin stops pacing and bumping into things he sleeps in that little basket you see. I took this photo a couple days ago. The basket is in my office so he's close to me and we talk as I work, although he doesn't say much these days. 

The worst part is seeing him bump into things and sometimes when he stops he'll just sit there right in front of a wall staring at it, obviously seeing nothing.

We have talked about euthanising him which brings me great sadness; I can barely even think about it however we must. It may be tonight, it may not; We will wait to see what the vet has to say. Quality of life is far up my personal list of priorities and whilst Merlin is comfortable he doesn't have much quality of life so we will do what we feel is right for him, no matter how hurtful that is for us. It's a shit situation and has brought me a great deal of stress this week. I'm pretty depressed. 

We cuddle a lot though, and I talk to him which makes me feel a little better. He can't jump up on the bed any more so we pick him up and place him there, on the couch, my desk...But we have to watch him as he could hurt himself if he was to try and jump off. So, I'm spending a lot of time with him sitting nearby; I suppose a happy by-product of working from home due to the virus thing.

We bring pets into our lives knowing we will usually outlive them and will suffer through their loss and yet we do it time and again. I suppose the joy of having them with us balances the pain of losing them, but losing them is just so damned painful.

Merlin has simply been the best friend to me; An amazingly intuitive cat, loyal, fun and adventurous. He has been with us throughout some very difficult times and has given us so much enjoyment and happy memories. Our other cat, Cleo, adores him and he loves her too and the house will feel his loss greatly.

I do not know what will happen tonight, in eight short hours, but I know for certain that a better friend one could never find. 
***
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - *Tomorrow isn't promised.*

Be well
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