![closer-50ff82754a4b7.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmNaSURSckgiEb2sh14y6LFXYYXTtPd7dbgCSpn7aqvnhY/closer-50ff82754a4b7.jpg)
> inspired by the movie "closer"

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do we all secretly want to be hurt? do we all secretly want chaos and drama in our lives? do we all secretly reject happiness and long for the things that we can't have?

can we live peacefully and happily with all that we have? can we live without drama?

the human character is so complex. we are all different. you and i have different wants, needs, values and experiences. and couples are attracted to each other as a result of a certain combination and permutation of their different wants, needs, values and experiences that works for them.
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he wants stability, loyalty and commitment in a relationship.
he's very loving, honest, giving but most of all, loyal. 
he calls and texts. he makes time for her.
he is her constant partner.

she wants romantic gestures, growth and security in a relationship.
she's very tolerant, open-minded, vital but most of all, dedicated. 
she gives him space. she encourages his goals.
she is his loyal companion.

*

everybody has a dark side. we're no angels all the time.
my flaws? where do i begin?
i crave emotional reassurances. it's not that i'm insecure.
but i'm hypersensitive to any slight change in one's mood, behavior and action.
so when one doesn't respond enthusiastically, my mind starts wandering.
of course, if i trust the person, my mind won't wander so far.
but i would still feel a bit let down, when the heat cools down,
and when the zeal and excitement fade.
but this is a relationship. it can't be fresh all the time.
there is bound to be up and down.
and i accept that.
but that doesn't mean i don't need the emotional reassurances.
because once every blue moon, l needs some TLC,
like a trip to paris for the weekend or two tickets to a gig.

i'm the kind of person who's up for anything.
i am definitely a people-pleaser.
i rarely exhibit my mood swings in front of other people.
i want to be strong for myself, and strong for others.
but sometimes, even kenya rains.
no one is perfect. and i can be quite hard on myself.
yet i'm optimistic about life and humanity.
because i believe that we can grow to be more giving.
i believe that we can grow to be more selfless.
i believe that we can grow out of our ugliness.
but herein lies my own contradiction.
i love chaos. i love drama.
my life reeks of irony.
because i think that we can only learn from chaos and drama.
we will grow more genuinely.
we are shaken to our core.

i want my core to be shaken.
i am not used to stability.
i am not used to loyalty.
i am not used to commitment.
but perhaps, this is exactly what i need.
a break from being stepped on.
because i've learned that no one can step on you without your permission.
maybe i'm no longer who i was.
or maybe i just transcended and became more mature.
at times, i long to be a person who knows what to want,
truth is, i know that i still have lots of time for the drama and chaos in the future.
but for the time being, i'm happy with stability, loyalty, and commitment.
it's a valuable lesson for me.
and i can grow from this experience.

*

#### the motto of now: love, give, and learn to trust... 

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