My mother? My best friend? Both?
parenting·@honeydue·
0.000 HBDMy mother? My best friend? Both?
TV series have the wonderful gift of showing us who we'd like to be. One of the main reasons we like television is because we enjoy imagining ourselves as the characters we see there. Now who doesn't remember the infamous mother-daughter duo of the ever-popular Gilmore Girls?  And what mother or daughter who watched that show didn't secretly wish she could have such a wonderful relationship in her own life? What is nicer than being able to talk to your parent/child as you would to your best friend?  That being said, why is it so hard to find such a pair? Why are the people who are friends with their parents so rare and strange? I am lucky in the sense that I've always had a great relationship with my mom, and I consider her to be my best friend. So much so that when I was 14 or so, I would get strange looks from my friends when I said I wanted to spend time with my family. "Why?" "Um...because I like it?" I don't remember if those were the exact words, but definitely something along those lines.  So, I can't help but wonder why, as we grow older, we start disliking our parents, or at least growing away. Not in the healthy 'get your own life' sense, but to the extent that you don't seem to like to spend time with them anymore. It becomes a chore. Strange... It struck me as odd when I went to the beach last week and I noticed that all around me, people were there with boyfriends/girlfriends, children, friends and so on...Not many grown-ups with their parents there though. I must say that I was also on holiday with some friends. And I wondered why does it become custom at the age of 18 to stop spending time with your parents? Why, if you go with them on holiday before 18 and go to the movies with them and ask them to take you to concerts, do you stop doing that once you become an "adult"? Is it because they were reaponsible for you before and you needed them, in a way? Is that the only thing that was holding you together? **The importance of being best friends with your parents**  Now, I'm not blaming this solely on the kids, so worry not. After all, it takes two to tango. There is a saying, in Romanian, that you have them like you grow them, and I think it's true. It depends largely on how your parents raise you. If they keep a firm gap between you and they establish a realtionship based on authority, chances are pretty slim you're going to want to have a heart-to-heart with them. But, if they guide you rather than control you, if they raise you to know that your opinion matters and you can talk openly, that despite the fact they're the parents, they may still be wrong and you may still be right. Don't teach your kids that if they disagree with you, they're always in the wrong because they're kids. Meek children grow up to be meek adults. Teach your children to trust themselves to know what's right in life.  While doing research for this article, I came across all sorts of articles insisting you CAN'T be your child's best friend. And they gave various reasons, which to me seemed bogus. Like, don't be friends with your kid because you'll lose your authority. Not necessarily, you can be friends with your kid by listening to them, by not getting angry, by encouraging them to tell you what's wrong. Parents are very afraid of admitting they, too, make mistakes. But your child knows it's a mistake even if you don't tell them. If you're unfair with your kid, have the gut to say so and apologize. They know it's injustice and by not apologizing, you make them think they don't deserve an apology. Another interesting one was the misconception that if you're friends with your kid, you might overshare information. What do they think? That being "friends" with your kid means telling them your preferred sexual position or that you're hard up on money? No. Just no. It means being honest about what you can tell them, not outrageous stuff. The last, a particular favorite of mine was the idea that you should be an authority figure to your children up until the age of 18, and then become friends. But how? Trust, as in any relationship, is earned over time. So are freedom of speech and the ability to relax around someone. If today you're telling me what to do, just because you're older, don't expect me to come to you tomorrow with boy trouble.  Maybe some of you don't agree. Fine. I look forward to hearing from you. But this is my opinion. I think you should be friends with your children, so that when they grow up, they'll want to spend time with you. Share things. Books, favorite writers, go to concerts together, tell each other jokes, **respect them as you expect them to respect you.**
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