Every once in a while, I'll leave a fashion/style video on in the background while going about my day, which leads inevitably to half a dozen more popping up in my YouTube feed the next time around. And much as I like indulging in these little girly moments from time to time, I always marvel at the insistence on order and stiff, sacrosanct rules that we humans have.


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There's all these helpful videos of X things a lady never wears, or Y ways to get a "glow-up". Some are common sense, but others are oddly specific I find, which leaves me wondering... is my status as a lady endangered so much by my wearing flats, or a hoodie? 

Because according to these "experts", the rules seem set in stone. While many of these videos advise you that an effortless look is the best, most charming, sexy look, it's a practiced effortlessness for sure. I mean, after all, here you are watching dozens of videos on the subject. Is that putting in zero effort?

Next, you've got a set of general rules - the set in stone ones, like always pick this kind of top, or office-y pants, or whatever else. Like it's a rule that works for everyone. When I think back on the sexiest, most appealing women I've known, it's always the ones who don't seem to follow these set in stone rules, who don't generally ascribe to trends and such that stick to my mind.

The thing is, you can generally tell when a woman is trying too hard, and most of all, it's not even in the neat press of her shirt or the carefully applied mascara. Rather, it's in the way she holds herself, There's a carefulness, an uncertainty that she walks with that instantly detracts from her appeal, no matter how much time (or money) she spent on make-up, hair, or picking the perfect shoes.

It's a cliche, I know, but to me, confidence and comfort have always been the sexiest things a woman can wear.

There's too many variables. There are so many different body types out there which makes it impossible to find the set of rules that will work on all women, regardless of bust size, shape of hips, waist, the length of her legs or even the structure of her bones. It's easy saying "tuck your shirt in to make your legs seem longer" and for some women, it works like a charm, while others look dumpy or cut in half. Which brings you back to the individual.

**I think the way to look your best is to get to know your body and get comfortable with it. Maybe that means changing certain things, but there's only so much you can change and still look natural and, well, sexy. So comfort, openness, confidence, understanding how little anybody cares if you wear make-up or not, these are far more potent "tips" and more versatile ones, as they don't really depend on your physicality at all.**

Besides, what exactly defines a lady? A lot of these videos have titles promising you the complete guide to looking chic or like a lady. Except, what is chic? What's a lady? Because my definition of one might differ wildly from the person who's making a video, so then where do I go?

How to show you have class... except it seems to me that it shows naturally. If you're merely trying to prove to the world (and yourself) that you have class, isn't that tantamount to saying you actually don't?

Or what you can learn from French women about style... it's a silly stereotype (and vastly unfounded one if you actually visit France as opposed to craft this idea about it from fashion magazines and cutesy TV), but it promotes a very negative mentality: that this whole group of women is sexier and better-looking than you simply because of where they were born. Poor, ugly duckling you.

Where does it get you, thinking you're ugly or at least meh and need to level up? When you could be focusing instead on the subjectivity of beauty and style, and on getting comfortable and happy in this life that you're already in.


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*Spoiler Alert: Getting a bunch of crisp white shirts won't make you look like Kate Moss, nor will they automatically improve your dwindling self-confidence, or your life in general. That's just the illusion of the fashion industry.*

I did see one I liked a while back, but don't remember where, that focused on the ways in which French (and European) women live healthier lives than Americans, which accounts for some of these differences in style - it might not seem like it, but walking, moving, and eating a healthier diet go a lot further than buying the right blush or learning 7 ways to use belts to your advantage.

### But in the end, beauty is subjective. What is beautiful in a woman, to you? What do you consider chic or attractive (as a woman or in a woman)?


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