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<center>[Source](https://www.clearvuehealth.com/images/optimism-age-research.002.jpg)</center>


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You and I are not different to a year and season. Just like every year is unique, You're also unique and so is your life experience. It is easy to list your new year's resolutions at this time of the year as we plan our lives for 2023. We can go into the new year with a positive attitude that says "*Nothing gonna bring me down, this is my year*". But sometimes life has cruel ways of changing our seasons within a year: "*It can bring drought, wildfires or floods*", and leave us broken. 

Sometimes the only way to survive the changes in the season of our lives is to nurse the little faith that is left within you and to gain the strength to be able to say *it will get better with time*. I know from experience that the sorrow and hurt can eventually go away if one gets to accept that sometimes we win some and lose some. 

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December month once brought me more losses than wins, but I had to be optimistic and learn to take one day at a time to heal from all the losses. There is one December I will never forget, I had just celebrated my birthday on the 10th of December which brought a jolly spirit to my family. But life managed to shorten our happy season to Monday the 13th, just two days after my birthday. On that day I wasn't broken to hold my Dad's defunct hand for the last time, but there was one hand I was broken to hold. And that was my mom's hand. 
>Take a deep breath if you have or had a strong mom. Now imagine her being the weakest in the room.

I am the "optimistic" kid of the family but on that day, reality taught me that optimism is earned through resilience. Seeing my strong mom helplessly crying and in her weakest moment was a life-changing moment. Instead of holding my mom's hand, I held my Dad's cold hand and made a promise that I will meet his spirit halfway in being there for my mom. 

I am my Dad's carbon copy, especially when I pull a serious face. One of my aunts once said my eyes scare her when I am too serious, she said: *"it's like my brother's ghost is looking at me."* In my mind I thought that my face and eyes could delay my mom's healing if I am going to be a constant reminder of her loss, let alone be the ghost as my aunt puts it.

Seeing my dad's lifeless body made me realize that my time to ever use the word "papa" on earth has just expired. With all this sudden change from celebrating my birthday to mourning my dad, I thought I would hate ever celebrating Christmas, especially for the irony in what it is meant to signify. 

>I just lost my Dad and what is the point of celebrating the birth of someone's son who was born in Bethlehem?
 
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![IMG_20221222_091700.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/humbe/242DVGGzQRndtSJyNgRvho2agiefEENGqnD4EuCfqyZK2iYKDFV3GH3kCvWTa84DUuUzV.jpg)
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But to my surprise, that year every Christmas song I came across gave me hope and was more meaningful compared to other years. For me, every syllable in each Christmas song served as a reminder that God had sent down a comforter to take us through our next seasonal cycle. 

Years later Just when I was optimistic and thought I had gathered the strength to instruct grieve to take its sad memories and trade them with hope for the year's end. Later my best friend passed on whom I used to even share a desk during my Matric. We got admission to different universities and we would plan meet-ups during school holidays. Her passing triggered the past event when I lost my Dad. I still managed to get through it as I console myself that she would want to see me live our dreams.

To the universe, my two losses were not enough to earn me resilience and optimism, so it was just another year of *"A Luta continua, vitória é certa"*. LIFE still showed me more flames, I later lost a friend to suicide before I could respond to his text which he sent while I was at a saloon. 

I was heartbroken when I found out that his fiancée had just broken up with him and we were just left with three months before their wedding. He was so excited about the wedding and I was even going to own my first saree (garment) to attend his wedding which I had to make a pinky promise that I will not miss it.

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>**From all these experiences, I have been crushed hard but life trained me to rely on optimism when the universe gives me losses and not wins.** 

I was broken at the end of three years and I have been broken many times in my life. But the Christmas spirit was able to change my season and make me optimistic again. Out of that I also became stronger and issues like heartbreak became just like bruises. haha, I am not claiming to be a queen of taking in pain and losses, so pardon me for bragging about my *earned optimism!*

Decembers seem to be my month to renew my optimism because life likes to put me in a boxing ring this month to keep my optimism in check. That is why If you make it to the end of the year. No matter how bad your seasons were, Christmas is there to remind us that we got more than just one shot to restart our seasonal cycles. Merry Christmas and a happy new optimistic season to you. 

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