![addtext_com_MjE0OTE0NDcxMw.png](https://ipfs.busy.org/ipfs/QmP73U2F48aEiwrkpVmTmBrjoKhY73eCivmdBnS293weAs)

### This is Part 4 of a community-written, sci-fi parody serial.

Part 1: [Steem Wars: Be There Or Be Square](https://steemit.com/steemwars/@tanglebranch/steem-wars-be-there-or-be-square), by @tanglebranch 
Part 2: [Hip to be Square](https://steemit.com/@negativer/steemwars-mission-2-part-2-hip-to-be-square-com-rd-15), by @negativer
Part 3: ... not even sure I should mention this one…sigh, OK, fine! [I Can See Squarely Now, or Number 2 on Planet 3](https://steemit.com/@caleblailmusik/steem-wars-mission-2-part-3-i-can-see-squarely-now-or-number-2-on-planet-3), by @caleblailmusik 

### Our mission:
As delivered by @gmuxx, The Time Lord: Galacdictator Tangle et al.... a distress signal has been detected in the Quadrangular Quadrant. Source unknown, species unknown. Take thine crew and investigate / rescue / dominate whoever it is disturbing the galactic peace.

### Our crew:
**Galacdictator Tangle** ([@tanglebranch](https://steemit.com/@tanglebranch)): **[Character profile here](https://steemit.com/steemwars/@tanglebranch/steem-wars-a-mandatory-message-from-future-galacdictator-tangle)**
**Underlord Negavader** ([@negativer](https://steemit.com/@negativer)): **[Character profile here](https://steemit.com/steemwars/@negativer/steemwars-underlord-negavader-s-series-of-bad-decisions)**
**Byepeex Reist-Stoomtrooper Destroyer** ([@jasonbu](https://steemit.com/@jasonbu)): **[Character profile here](https://steemit.com/steemwars/@jasonbu/the-name-is-byepeex-reist-stoomtrooper-destroyer)**
**Sixty-Wine** ([@caleblailmusik](https://)): **[Character profile here](https://steemit.com/steemwars/@caleblailmusik/sixty-wine-the-like-character-i-made-for-this-steem-wars-thing)**

---

On Board: The Intangible
Perfector Class War Vessel
Serial Number BYOB-9021-O
Location: The Quadrangular Quadrant

---

I stood in the doorway to the compartment that I was assigned. It was narrow and sparse. The wall light flickered off and on. There was a cot to one side and a row of four really banged up lockers on the other. A musty smell wafted towards me. The small room smelt as though it had been a service closet at one time. 

Looking at the door plate it read - ```Service Closet 2-3B```

*Perfect, that explains it. A place to hang my holster is all I need. I don't give a shit.*

"Well according to our manifest the only room we have left is 2-3B." I mimicked the Underlords obnoxious whiny voice and felt my rage build a little. 

I slammed my hand on the bulkhead as a release.

*F Negavader, he'll get his.*

My mood lightened as I noticed a bland nondescript parcel on the cot. I began to get excited - *HEY! PG here, not that kind of excited.*

Oh, wait maybe it is... 

*Could it be my order from Autozonian Bride had arrived already?*

I dropped my bag and the red shirt, I was still holding, to the corner of my "closet". Hung my holster in the first locker and sat on the cot. I grabbed the box and placed it on my lap, it was heavier than I had anticipated. 

*Whoa, nothing that my hunkalicious biceps couldn't handle. Just thought I would mention it.*

I held the box on my lap for a few minutes. My imagination wandering. I had only uploaded the image of Galactic-goddess yesterday. I tingled with expectation.

*That was quick. I hope they've done her justice* 

I ripped the tape off the box and was immediately inundated with the smell of fresh latex and neoprene. On top was the thank-you letter with instructions. I quickly tossed them aside. 

*This ain't IKEA, who needs instructions.*

Pulling it out of the box I stood as I allowed the product to unravel to the floor. 

There it was. I stood captivated holding Galactic-goddess' effigy, I gasped at its two-dimensional completeness. 

*It's perfect.*

All I needed to do now was to blow her up. I was hot (NO! Not that kind of hot - oh, wait I am that kind of hot.) With the door shut and no air circulation, my closet had grown to a stiffeling temperature. Sweat was starting to pool in various spots where my leather bunched. I'm pretty sure I could still feel some glitter itching around in there. 

*That's it I can't take this heat* 

I flopped Galactic-goddess on to the cot and stripped from my leathers. 

WHUMP! 

The entire closet shuddered. I caught the lockers as they fell over and shoved them back to their upright position. 

*What the hell was that?* 

CLANG! 

Another shudder. If I was not mistaken, it sounded as though we had been fired on and then docked. 

As if on queue, my door opened and Galactic-goddess rushed in, the real Galactic-goddess. She slammed the door shut and braced it. 

"We're being boarded! Give me a hand you big oaf!"

Our eyes met, briefly. She had what looked like gravy on her luscious lips. Poutine leftovers. She glanced at the effigy on my cot. I glanced at the red shirt on my bag. I had gone commando under my leathers and needed a cover. I grabbed the shirt and covered, to protect her modesty of course. 

Our eyes came back together. She looked more agitated than before for some reason. 

"Arrrgggh, are you kidding me? What the hell is that? Nevermind." 

She hit her communication badge. 

"Ship, two for emergency transport to the surface."

"What? What are you doing? Wait!"

"Engage!"

I looked down at the red shirt covering my manliness. 

*Uh, oh*

I materialized in an ally in front of what looked like a burning coffee shop. Looking around I could not see the Galactic-goddess.

*Where is her loveliness?*

As I stood there, completely dumbfounded and quite naked, Juarez-7 appeared followed by a smoking Sixty-Wine. And I mean smoking in every literal sense. They both stopped in their tracks and stared. Sixty-wine snuffed out a smoldering ember on his shoulder.

I looked down at my red shirt clad junk and grinned. What else could I do. I certainly couldn't shoot anything. 

"Um, Hi?"


Sixty-wine put his hand up as though to block something. It could not have been the god-like image before him. Must have been the sun in his optical sensors.

"Good God! There's no way I'm going to be able to not-recall that. Every time I see a red shirt. BAM! I'll see Pex." 

I shrugged. "I seem to have lost the Galactic-goddess. We were together when we left the ship."

"But you are not clothed? Hmm. Emergency beam out?"

"Uh, yup."

Juavez-7 looked over at me then back to Sixty-wine. 

"Sixty-wine, could she really have?"

"Shut-up Juavez-7! Gross!" 

"Could she have what? Guys, where is she? We need to find her. And I need to blast something!"

Juavez-7 turned away and vocalized a dry-heave. 

"Oh, nice Juavez." Sixty-wine shook his head and turned down the alleyway. 

"Follow me, I have an idea of where she might be."

I followed awkwardly, still holding the red shirt over my junk. 

"Could we snag some clothes, perhaps? Oh, and more importantly, a blaster."

### To be continued...

I'm hoping my fellow compatriots will think about entering the Comedy Open Mic for this round.  @caleblailmusik and @tanglebranch that means I nominate the two of you. 

---

![gmuxx](https://steemitimages.com/0x0/https://gateway.ipfs.io/ipfs/QmWa3Gs55coC6B8haVWk7Epqw6pBftBXeL2DTdNz7AGqRA)

### WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW MORE?
STEEM Wars is the brainchild of **[@gmuxx](https://steemit.com/@gmuxx)**. It is a community creativity parody project with a sci-fi basis. Read more in the following links:

**[Steem Wars: A Parody Too Far](https://steemit.com/steemwars/@gmuxx/steem-wars-a-parody-too-far)**

**[Steem Wars: Crews Assemble!](https://steemit.com/steemwars/@gmuxx/steem-wars-crews-assemble-start-date-announced)**

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![Imgur](https://i.imgur.com/IrndYKb.png)

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![TWB](https://steemitimages.com/0x0/https://steemitimages.com/DQmXmpLgCfjY1zx7UXDTC576VXTtLGeopsiLLjhrdZbnXn3/image.png)

Join us at **[The Writers Block](https://discord.gg/8EgU8Dv)** on Discord. 
A great community of writers there, helping each other get better at what they enjoy doing.</center>