About two weeks ago, I decided to have a chest x-ray, not because I was having any symptoms, but just because it's been a long time. I wasn't sure if my brother's passing was a cardiac issue or not, but I had to do that test anyway. The x-ray discovered a mild enlargement of the heart after about 5 days of getting the result. 5 days later, I did an echocardiography as a result of the recommendation I had in the x-ray. The scan result showed mild left atrium dilation and grade one diastolic dysfunction and for a 30-year-old, this was a little bit too early.


![1000249812-01.jpeg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/josediccus/Ep1ZnCydMcmn8JKPRhfyFcYgadChtWrCopjUTydQpUTdkvZKod96udcD88teD989YCi.jpeg)


 However, having the underlying health issues I had meant that this was a possibility. Majorly the cardiologist who did the test didn't even read it to me. Cardiologists are hard and difficult to come by and as a result of this, I couldn't the services of this one. However, the two specialists I need now are a Hematologist and a Cardiologist. They alone can spot the cause of this problem and help me to address it. However, from the means of information I sought, I found out that the major source of this is as a result of hypertension. 

I was massively hypertensive in 2015, but this was later addressed and since 2016 till now  I've maintained a stable blood pressure. However, it seemed the harm was done already which was why I had that mild dilation of the atrium. I've never been overworked in my life looking for these two specialists. I've been depressed for over two weeks now, hardly feeding and hardly concentrating on anything. I've spent all the money I have, borrowed from friends, and already started selling my hive assets. I'm contemplating selling some of my belongings, ranging From my iPhones and other things. 

My life is currently at a standstill and not having access to specialists the way I want makes matters worse. I'm scared of the long-term effect of this in my life, so trying to approach this from this point of view is the only thing I've been trying to do. After my brother's passing, I've been trying to prioritize a lot of things and even after spending a lot of money, I still cannot get the needed care I want. Most of the doctors I met only want to collect money without really helping.

 This is mostly the biggest problem. It's difficult to find a doctor who is genuine enough to offer care. The costs heading into the future do not bother me, I want to know what I'm facing and how to handle it. How to go about the treatments, if this left atrium dilation is reversible, or if I need to continue managing it? I don't want to spend any more time waiting for it. The waiting is the biggest part. Sadly, I have to move from mourning my brother to worrying about a health condition that is a big scare.

 I didn't think I'd be in this position and maybe, just maybe if I had checked my hypertensive level in 2015, it wouldn't have been this way. But then, I didn't have the resources and I felt it was the crisis resulting from my health condition and that pain away months later. Right now. I'm doing a lot of "what ifs" I'm seriously scared and this has put me in a very depressive state. I've managed to maintain my blood pressure for seven years now, and even when I tried to still check yesterday. It's been totally normal.


 I'm terrified of everything and I've lost every connection to everything around me. I'm lost and currently don't know what to do anymore. Being orphaned and having no immediate family to help me everything makes it worse. I've not been really sick in a while now, I thought I'd managed my health properly but this is just too unbearable for me. I don't know what to do or go from here, it's utterly devastating