I haven't posted much lately. And the thing is that several people on Steemit noticed, and there are also people that asked me why. People asking for me is flattering and makes me smile.

This post is going to be slightly different from what I usually post. It will contain a lot of thinking. And it will be more like a diary than a blog post. Maybe the reason is that Steemit and the community I meet on Discord are personal and feels close to me. 

One thing is going to be like it usually is in my posts... I will use some of my seascape photos. There are some fantastic people here on Steemit that likes them, which makes me happy! 

Some of my thinking is rather deep, like "who am I", "why am I here" and also "what is my purpose". I haven't got many answers, but I will share my thoughts about these issues.

## The meaning of water in my life
This morning I had a short, but fun, time on PALnet Discord channel and we discussed zodiac signs. I never really thought much about this, but my sign is Cancer, which is a water sign. I love water; I can sit and stare at sea for hours. I can sit, just listening to the sound. It's amazing. Also, I have been thinking about the fact that humans persist of 60 % water. I sometimes feel that I'm united with the sea. 

![](https://i.imgur.com/MNCcrr9.jpg)
*Source: @kerlund74*

## Finding the gift I have to offer to the world
For many years I have had a feeling that I'm doing a lot of things in my life that I'm not meant to do. I suffer a lot from anxiety. I have read a lot of books about "our true self", "finding your gift" and other self-improvement literature. 
Most of the time these books makes me feel secure and confident while reading them. Afterwards, I feel like "damn, I have no idea what my real self is and I certainly can't find my gift".
Last year I was taking a course in entrepreneurship. It was about (very short) to use who I am, what I know and also who I know to get started. And I can see a correlation to the books about personal development here. Because I'm the only person on this planet, that are like me. My sets of skills combined with my personality are unique. A business idea that I execute will probably be different from yours even if you have almost the same purpose.

![](https://i.imgur.com/xeKsLqU.jpg)
*Source: @kerlund74*

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But after the course ended I sort of got back to my ordinary me that doesn't feel very confident in me. But I think I have planted a seed during these years. From time to time I get moments of clarity. Like this morning when I was standing outside for 30 minutes, waiting for my colleague to pick me up. I just thought: my gift is understanding other people. Combined with them using IT, which might sound strange but I'm a person that gets exhausted among people, I try to read them. What do they feel? What do they say? And the IT: I study Interaction design and I just love the idea of beginning with the users. What are their actual needs? How do they think about the tech? What can I do to help? And so on. As a highly sensitive person, I often feel drained after spending a day with lots of people. But I believe that it's possible to use the advantages of being very sensitive. There are downsides, of course, but why focus on these?
My reflexion is that this is an excellent trait if I work with mapping users needs or User Experiences. At least this is what I felt this morning, lol. We will see what is coming out of this. 

![](https://i.imgur.com/nQIw0wi.jpg)
*Source: @kerlund74*

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I have been searching for many years now. Initially, I worked hard to get my photos seen by many people. I spent hours, every evening after work on Flickr, Instagram, and my Wordpress blog. I was getting a lot of attention, but time wasn't ready at that point, and I wasn't ready. I love photography, and I actually will show some of my photos on an exhibition this summer, I'm very excited!
I have also changed jobs two times in four years. And then I began my studies in 2015. I love most of the courses, but I always felt a little more for the books about human-computer interaction, creativity and empathy and also about User Experience. 

I usually like to be a bit structured when I do things, like writing a blog post. This time I think that it doesn't matter. First: I have been thinking a lot lately. Second: People are asking for my photos! Third: I think that I have some meaningful ideas to share:)

Thanks for reading!

![](https://i.imgur.com/xCTMBEl.jpg)
*Source: @kerlund74*

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