I don't usually talk a lot about personal stuff, but it's 2018 and hey why not? So as the title says most of my life has been lived without dreams. I don't mean literal dreams when you're sleeping, but aspiring dreams that a child has of what they want to be when they grow up. 

Why didn't I have aspiring dreams as a child?

I was raised in an apocalyptic cult. My dad, who is was 100% believer, instilled from my birth the reality of this religion. You see, in this religion we were told that the end of the world would was coming any day. Because of this going to college or dreaming of a career was out of the question, it even showed lack of faith to consider going to college or pursue a career. 

The religion believes that the end of the world started in 1914, and that within a generation the end of the world would come and only those who are in the faith will survive. 

Here is a quote from one of their publications in 1969 discouraging seeking a career:

<h2>"If you are a young person, you also need to face the fact that you will never grow old in this present system of things. Why not? Because all the evidence in fulfillment of Bible prophecy indicates that this corrupt system is due to end in a few years. Of the generation that observed the beginning of the "last days" in 1914, Jesus foretold: "This generation will by no means pass away until all these things occur."-Matt. 24:34. Therefore, as a young person, you will never fulfill any career that this system offers. If you are in highschool and thinking about a college education, it means at least four, perhaps even six or eight more years to graduate into a specialized career. But where will this system of things be by that time? It will be well on the way toward its finish, if not actually gone!" Awake! 1969 May 22 p.15</h2>

Here's an example of their teachings from a cover from their main magazine:

![Screen Shot 2018-01-01 at 11.55.04 AM.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmdVA1jZyomxcxm67pQWTReb4n2WWohPUcg3q7ZWghqeAp/Screen%20Shot%202018-01-01%20at%2011.55.04%20AM.png)

[Source](https://www.jwfacts.com/watchtower/generation.php)

The repercussions of growing up in apocalyptic religion affect me to this day. As a child I was told that a "great tribulation" was to occur and people within the faith would be tortured and killed, only to be resurrected . As a young child this caused major panic attacks. If the news came on I would panic because much of the news was covering world events that indicated "the end of the world" was coming. Although I no longer believe in this particular religion, the panic attacks and anxiety still cause me issues to this day.

Now as an adult that didn't dream of a career, I try to remain optimistic that I can find something that I enjoy doing. And I'm not that young anymore, but I guess the new year provides new optimism. 

I plan to write more about my experiences. Please consider following if you like my content. 

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