My decline and rebirth. Part 3
life·@lifeisawesome·
0.000 HBDMy decline and rebirth. Part 3
<html> <p><a href="https://steemit.com/life/@lifeisawesome/my-decline-and-rebirth-part-2">My decline and rebirth: Part 2</a></p> <p>So it’s official. I’ve finally moved back in with Mum and things are going tits up. I’ve now left a life that I LOVED, to being a no-one with no friends. Seriously. I had moved away eons ago and those friends that I did have had moved on. I had lost contact with them and they weren’t interested in sparking up any sort of conversation anytime soon.</p> <p>I was alone.</p> <p>Confused</p> <p>And hyper-aware of my situation.</p> <p>My Mum would have been good to live with if she wasn’t too interested in getting shitfaced and fornicating with men. I agree, this is her choice but when you have a kid then your priorities should change, no? Especially if he’s having troubles.</p> <p><img src="https://s11.postimg.org/gd6fbxz3n/brandy_585796_960_720.jpg" width="960" height="640"/></p> <p>That aside I wasn’t going to let my situation bring me down too much. I was going to invest in new friends, after all I was the king of socialising right?</p> <p>Wrong.</p> <p>It came as a shock to me that people my age weren’t interested in gaining new friends. It was a very clicky, and unsociable society. People were closed off. By now they had made their friend circles why in the hell would they want to make any new ones?</p> <p>It was strikingly obvious at first because I was ready and up for the challenge, but after a while the knockbacks set me back some. Sadly, it took a year to make even the remotest hints of friendship with anyone that bore any resemblance to my interests. I spent half my time watching re-runs of friends on TV and the other half watching new videos.</p> <p>It was then that the depression began to hit, what once was I would never see again. I felt sad and alone, often I’d weep when I was on my own. The waters of emotion rolling down my face were deafening.</p> <p><img src="https://s16.postimg.org/3k8mjxemt/feeling_697557_960_720.jpg" width="960" height="640"/></p> <p>It wasn’t long before I gave up. A month? Maybe. Perhaps two. I would see the friends that I once had in the bars and nightclubs and they’d point and laugh as they joked about my lunacy. I had enough. Truly enough.</p> <p>I took my shoelaces and wrapped them around the shower rail back home, both were sturdy. I had tested them out the week before. I was going to end it. I wouldn’t suffer any more.</p> <p>That day I actually felt happy, I could remember strutting around the house as if all my problems had been solved, that in one foul swoop I wouldn’t have to bear this fucked up life anymore. No-one was going to stop me. Not even my damn Mum if she bothered to think about me more than her shitty wine for a change.</p> <p>That night when she was off seeing her man I made a strong noose, one that would choke me if my neck didn’t snap immediately. I would go blue in the face and I’d be in the utmost pain but it would end eventually. It would all end. A small price to pay. No-one remotely knew what I was up to.</p> <p>I stood on the chair and tied the short rope to the shower rail, and then, put the rope over my neck. I stood there for long, long moments thinking about what I was going to do and why I was going to do it,</p> <p><img src="https://s10.postimg.org/uvd8pm9wp/sling_1222466_960_720.jpg" width="960" height="700"/></p> <p>And from there an absolutely beautiful event transpired.</p> <p>I thought, “Fuck! I’m so young. Anything can happen!”</p> <p>It was sort of like an epiphany moment. The moment I saw absolute sense with crystal clear clarity. I was a young man, I could do anything, I had my whole fucking life ahead of me why should I let life take me?</p> <p>And thus it transpired, my journey to awesomeness.</p> <p>First of all, I sought help. I was broken, I knew that already. I wanted help, I needed help. I delved into counselling, psychoanalysing, work rehabilitation and a whole other lot of life changing stuff.</p> <p>Some of it was super helpful, others not so much. Because remember, those that help us may be in need of help themselves, and that’s unhealthy in my opinion.</p> <p>So some not so good.</p> <p>I went t-total, learned a shitload, travelled a shedload, and along the way I got married and had children.</p> <p><img src="https://s14.postimg.org/sc9hkng1t/sunset_86214_960_720.jpg" width="960" height="720"/></p> <p>At one stage in my life I reached a point of transcendence. Whatever I learned I wanted to pass that knowledge on to others.</p> <p>And here I sit, talking to you guys!</p> <p>And this is why I keep saying be fucking awesome</p> <p>Because no matter what age you are, you can still be young</p> <p>And don’t think you know everything because you don’t,</p> <p>Be humble, be vigilant, and most of all,</p> <p>Be your own version of total awesome.</p> <p>Peace out :)</p> </html>
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