Greetings loyal followers.

I have received several transmissions from your system that I have found rather interesting. I am very busy keeping dimwits from accidentally shooting each other so it may take me some time to respond to all of them. My assistant Vera, who can do no wrong, is keeping track of these transmissions so I will eventually address each one of them.

The first one I would like to address is a comment by @thecryptofiend. In a recent interview conducted by someone named @infovore in one of your very impressive steemit based magazines, thecryptofiend mentioned that my transmissions are reminiscent of something called "The Simpsons".  

<br><center>https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/c2/da/f3/c2daf3018959241ee1b5711b3d77cff1.jpg
*Dennis! This is not "The Simpsons"! 
While you are here, take this red bag of urine away.*</center><br>

I had no idea what "The Simpsons" was. I knew it was an animated program of some sort so I had my IT guy Dennis intercept some of these transmissions. Needless to say, this was a fiasco. 

First, Dennis sent me this...

<br><center>http://www.tvshowsondvd.com/graphics/news3/FatherOfThePride.jpg</center><br>

Ummmm.... yes it is animated. But what the heck is that? Who would watch that let alone reference it in a prestigious steemit magazine? What is up with those two humans? They are in Las Vegas. From what I understand, that is your most amazing location ever. It is filled with non stop fun and  debauchery... yet those two idiots are hanging out with a bunch of talking lions? I am embarrassed for your entire planet.

Just when I thought my embarrassment for you had reached it's pinnacle,  Dennis showed me this....

<br><center>http://captainplanet.me/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/CaptainPlanet_Cover2-2.jpg
*No. The power is not yours. It is mine. All mine. I will not share it.*</center><br>

Seriously? Someone on your planet created this? Then they put their name on it? All these idiots do is run around trying to save the environment. From what? Is a moon-sized space station going to come and destroy the "environment" ? Oh it might... but recycling a few of your "soft drink" cans isn't going to stop that from happening. Maybe you should invest in a shield generator... or just start breeding Ewoks. I might not destroy a planet covered with those delectable little morsels.  *Might* not...

Then Dennis showed me this...

<br><center>http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/scrappy-doo_124281a_2237.gif</center><br>

So I punched him in his stupid freaking face for showing me this horrendous piece of garbage. The only reason he isn't wearing his butt as a gas mask is because he is Vera's brother in law. 

Once Dennis' limp body was dragged out, I called Vera. (I didn't want her to get upset... she's remarkably sensitive). 

All she had to do was flip 6 levers and poof! I saw this...

<br><center>http://manupproject.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/homer-choking-bart-simpson.jpg</center><br>

I felt so sad... for the father. He actually had to exert physical energy to strangle his son. Sometimes you don't know how good you have it until you see how others have to suffer. I believe your system has a saying "I cried because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet." I never really understood what that saying meant until this very moment. 

All of my adult life, I have felt sad that I had to use the Force to choke morons... until I saw a man who had to use his hands to do it. 

By the way, what the frick? What kind of parable is that? A guy has no feet? Is that a common occurrence in your system? What Sith Lord did he piss off?  And don't you dolts have robotic feet to replace them with? Put him in a freaking bacta tank and slap some metal feet on that guy!

<br><center>http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/4/45/Ani01.png/revision/latest?cb=20130205183234
*I barely had any legs at all and my droids fixed me up juts fine. 
I swear your backwards planet makes me laugh.*</center><br>

You guys tell stories about footless men like they broke a nail and *I'm the bad guy*? Please.

Did shoeless Joe, the star of your fable, do anything for the guy with no feet? Did he get him a bacta tank? Did he order some droids to fix him? Did he he give him crutches or ask if he needed help getting somewhere? Nope. He just decided to stop feeling sorry for *himself* and moved on with his day.  

Perhaps I have been too harsh on your planet. Just maybe there is more of the Dark Side there than I first estimated. 

Curses! I've gone and done it again. I have gotten myself so worked up over your annoying and primitive planet's collective idiocy that I have *accidentally* killed the 4 dip wads  who were trying to watch *The Simpsons* with me. 

I will have to get back to this delightful documentary of your system's family life later. Right now I need to scrape together enough credits to put in Vera's "kill jar" to cover 4 *accidental* deaths. Maybe if I smash them together, I can save some credits by cramming two bodies in one set of armor...

Images
[1](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/c2/da/f3/c2daf3018959241ee1b5711b3d77cff1.jpg)
[2](http://www.tvshowsondvd.com/graphics/news3/FatherOfThePride.jpg)
[3](http://captainplanet.me/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/CaptainPlanet_Cover2-2.jpg)
[4](http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/scrappy-doo_124281a_2237.gif)
[5](http://manupproject.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/homer-choking-bart-simpson.jpg)
[6](http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/4/45/Ani01.png/revision/latest?cb=20130205183234)