This afternoon  I went to meet my bestfriend to have lunch together while I was also active on the discord channel discussing some deep shit. As usual she and I talked about recent issues going on in our society  but mostly about the ridiculousness of feminism among our classmates, or simply talking about religion while surrounded by religious people.  We would always be the heathens on the room, we do not mind talking loudly about our views which could probably straight land us to steel bars hadn't we master the art of subliminal talking. Sometimes those who overheard us would give some sort of weird looks, but who cares. yet suddenly, we moved our conversation and talking about money.

<center> This is going to be a lengthy post about a small experience of mine dealing with greenish paper which we all love</center>

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Suddenly, she brought up a topic about money,  something I previously mentioned over the channel about how I see the money itself. She told me she was unhappy and still feeling empty even after she went on a shopping spree, purchased things she always wanted. as she was speaking, I kept on listening to her while my mind was actually  wandering around my past experience.

Back to when I was still in my freshman year,  I live alone and still I am, differences was I  still very dependent on my foster parents allowance which didn't give me enough to do entertainment and anything fancy. It was only enough for food and books. That time, I don't want so many things, I don't go to any kind of paid entertainment or a fast food chain. I was simple. I didn't want more and I feel truly blessed to be able to eat daily. I didn't even own a fancy phone or a laptop. All in all, I was a simple, grateful and I never had any money in my mind. 

Fast forwards, I hit my sophomore year, when I met my partner. We traveled together and things started took a turn. I wasn't that  simple girl anymore. I suddenly crave more; more traveling, more everything. He showed me a lot of possibilities I could do with my life, with my talents,  and  my future. He planted the idea of money into my mind. I honestly need money that time and I started to think about working;  something I never had in mind, like I barely work my whole life as  there was always my foster parents who do things. The idea of working itself  was ridiculous. But I was forced to work, because my foster parents couldn't seem to support me decently anymore.

So, I began to look for online job. I made my first few dollar from writing some simple articles. It wasn't that great, I was underpaid.  Then, I started to build some reputation while I contacted my old friends who worked as website developers, just in case they need a hand. I started signing up for fiverr, and there I slowly made money.  My earning was more than enough to cover my whole expenses and some hanging out with the girls time. At the same time, I also had the opportunity to reconcile with my biological mother who showered me with things instead of affection. I don't know, I suddenly love the "things" more than the affection I secretly wanted from a mother. And funny, How I suddenly enjoy working and ended up overworked myself even today. 

My mind was then filled with " I want more work, and more and more of it". I did it I guess,  before I hit 20, I had some stable business in hand while also offering translation job and still now,  I am keeping my mind open to any new business opportunity. From that moment I began earning, I started to look money differently. 

<center><strong> As if money is  becoming the god who would grant my wish in just a swish</strong></center>


 I could afford things I couldn't  afford before,  but there was something strange, I would go home and still feel empty. 

I have also watched a documentary about rich Chinese society on how they lead their life,going on a shopping spree, fancy stores, luxury trips and everything most of us couldn't afford. However, by the end of the day they would still cry and feeling hopeless; empty as if money can't buy that happiness or moments which lost. 

Like, those fancy, overpriced meal at the restaurant with the girls still left me feeling empty as I reached my room. It was a really mindless socialization which only happen because I have the money.I also feel the exact emptiness as I looked back while traveling with my partner visiting great places we'd never think of before. We have this privilege of being young, with money and carefree, everyone used to be jealous with us yet now I am jealous over people who has nothing but a genuine smile and a moment they seemed to cherish. 

And for the past few months, I am trying  to redefine the way I see about money. I couldn't deny  that we need money but trust me on one thing,  don't let it take control over your life, your moment, your relationship  and your friendship. Life is a roller coaster, it's always exciting and thrilling in each turn. So, just enjoy it. 

In the future, I would really  cherish the moment I have and finally make peace within myself.

So, we ended our conversation that afternoon by her saying 

<center><h3> " There's something missing, I don't know what, but all these money can't  seem to really fix that"</h3> </center>

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