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*What you up to?*

The Good Lady said, stopping in her tracks as she bustled about the Good Ship Boom making sure that all was as it should be. 

I was crouched by the door with a grin the colour of madness plastered all over my beautiful face.

*What are yooooou up to?*

I screeched like a mad old fisher wife who had stopped to ask her handsome husband silly questions.

*I am taking the fucking dog out for a walk.*

The Good Lady humphed, folding her arms across her chest.

*But we don't have a dog, hah hah hah hah.* 

I cackled like a Scooby-Doo Villain before those pesky kids finally get him.

*Of course, we don't have a dog.*

The Good Lady didn't seem to be playing.

Didn't she know it was Friday? The day of Kings? When all that is wrong with the world becomes right for a couple of days?

*So, why are you crouching by the door? What are you up to?*

She looked at me suspiciously, as if I were famed for bringing loose woman into the house and tearing at them with my teeth in front of the door like a dog with an old shoe.

*I am waiting for a delivery. A very special delivery.*

I smacked my hands together and rubbed them making a rapid *sss sss sssing* noise.

*Oh. Special delivery is it? Let me guess. That would be your beer delivery wouldn't it?*

She made that face that wives do when they see their husbands enjoying themselves immensely.

*Just because I look excited doesn't mean it's beer, you know. It could be lots of other things.*

I stretched and stood up as my rickety old matchstick knees were beginning to seize up tight like a Nun's wazzock.

*Pfft. Of course, it's beer, why else would you be hanging about the front door?*

I put my very serious face on. The very same one I wear when I am in the shower examining my *chumbawumbas* or testing the height of a bike saddle.

*Maybe something else is happening. Maybe something really important. Maybe something...*

There was a squeak of brakes outside the house and through the mottled glass of the front door, I saw a white van pull up.

My heart started pounding like a drummer with new sticks.

*The Bear-Man!! The Bear-Man!!*

I started clawing at the door to open it. 

*I knew it was beer. I still don't understand why you are so excited though. You get beer every week?*

The Good Lady snorted.

I stopped for a moment, twisted my head back and looked at her incredulously.

*You don't understand, Big Joe is in this one!!*

I hauled the door open.

*Big Joe? What the heck is big Joe?*

I paused for a moment and laughed.

*What is Big Joe? What is Big Joe?!!?! Ha, you'll see lady! YOU WILL SEE!!*

And I ran. Out into the glory that was the weekend and Big Joe...