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*You look kinda burst?*

Said the *Good Lady* romantically to me.

I looked up from where I lay on the sofa, broken from a combination of hangover and the trouncing I had received just moments before at the hands of the Little Lady and her inflatable lightsabre. 

*Feel a bit rough.*

I managed to cough out, pulling my hoodie more tightly around me to combat the hangover chills that were racking my body.

*You do look a proper mess. You must have drunk an awful lot?*

She said with seeming sympathy and kindness.

*I did. I did. I am a daftie and no mistake.* 

How could I not be a daftie? The night had started with my beer post and ended in some dark den in the West End of the city. 

A memory of beating a Frenchman at Pool made me snorfle a bit. He had gotten awfully angry. I am not sure if that was totally down to me humping him at Pool or if it had been me pretending to be French by saying *Aw he haw he haw* a lot.

*What's so funny?*

The *Good Lady* sweetly inquired.

*Oh, nothing really. Met a Frenchman, he was funny.*

*Ah yes, the French. They are a funny lot. Did you quack at him?*

She asked, waggling a finger at me as if to give me into trouble. 

*Only a little. You know me. I do like to quack at the French.*

I chuckled. 

*Yes, you can be a bit of an arse that way.*

She sighed with only a little roll of the eyes. 

*Anyway, I have just the thing to make you feel better.*

She added.

I perked up. Was she going to get all goosey goosey? With the kids running about? Ooer.

*What, what will make me feel better?*

I gasped feebly.

*Come, this way. It's beautiful. It will really perk you up.*

She grabbed my hand and half-pulled, half-led me to the back door through which the sun was shining. 

It was a lovely Autumn day and the sun was shining in a clear blue sky. It was almost warm.

*Look at the beautiful Autumn leaves.*

Said the *Good Lady* resting her head on my shoulder. 

I looked. The garden was festooned with leaves in various Autumnal shades of gold and russet orange. It was indeed very pretty.

*It's lovely.*

I said trying my best to sound enthusiastic. 

*Isn't it just. All those beautiful leaves.*

Sighed the *Good Lady* happily. 

I nodded, wondering how long I had to stare at some orange leaves before I could get back to whining and mumping on the sofa.

*It was awfully kind of me to let you go out on the lash last night wasn't it?*

Asked my sweet lady wife.

*Erm, yeah, chick. Thanks. I needed a blow-out.*

I said gratefully. She was a top lass this one. A keeper. We were made for each other. I gazed down at her head with more love than you could shake a stick at.

She pulled her head from my shoulder and pointed at the rake leaning against the back wall of the house. 

*Right. Rake up those leaves will you? They get all mulchy when it rains.*

She marched off chuckling happily to herself. 

I stared out at the garden, my hungover head pulsing slightly. 

Fucking leaves.