![IMG-PHOTO-ART-227832623.jpg](https://images.hive.blog/DQmY4gycnjYsTP7zScJJxu5SjwiFmaHcNTzZkw5XFx5fKUV/IMG-PHOTO-ART-227832623.jpg)


*Daddy-Bear, is there anything you can do about that cupboard door in the little lady's room? It won't stay closed.*

I grunted as the Good Lady's words snapped me out of my daydream in which saucy naked wenches had been covering themselves in coffee grounds and were asking if I wanted a good *exfoliating.*

*Um, yeah. Sounds like a piece of piss.*

I smiled with more dimples than a larger lady's *bahookie.*

*Really? That would be great, I think the catch thing is  broken?*

The Good Lady wrung her hands as if she had touched a covid.

*Broken schmoken, baby-cheeks. It don't matter. I've got magnets.*

I swished my hands about Kung Fu style.

*Magnets? Won't it just need a screw tightened or something?*

The Good Lady twisted her hand back and forth, wistfully looking up at the sky.

I looked up too, just in case those monkeys with the engorged penises had found their way into the house and were poised above us ready to fire.

Thankfully, I realised we weren't in Africa and were safe... For the moment.

*A screw? A screw!? Who fixes things with screws nowadays?*

I heaved myself out of my Sunday seat and struck a pose worthy of Captain Gower, the old 18th-century sea Captain that fought a giant octopus and afterwards could never look at his wife's vagina ever again.

*I have those fancy ***[nobdinium magnets](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neodymium_magnet)*** if I stick a couple of them up no one will be opening that door in a hurry.*

I chuckled, in my mind's eye I could see the cupboard door slamming closed with an almighty clang. Perhaps one of the cats severed in half by the door's dark slamming majesty.

*I don't think we want the door to never open again? If we wanted that I would just nail it shut.*

The Good-Lady had *that* face on her. The one that implies I am the type of buffoon to come back from the market with a handful of magic beans. 

Well, no magic beans here lady. Perhaps magic magnets but not magic beans.

*It sounds a bit, you know. overcomplicated? I think it is just something loose. The catch bit isn't sitting right and the sticky in bit isn't catching in the catchy bit.*

She splayed her fingers at each mention of *bit* as if conducting some weird orchestra.

I reeled back from her astonishing technical analysis of what was wrong with the door.

*So you are saying you don't want me to get all magnetic on the cupboards ass?*

I glowered majestically.

It takes many years to master the art of *glowering* but master it I had. The Good Lady flinched at the combination of dark looks, downturned cheeks and furrowed brows that were being flung her way.

*Maybe give the magnets a miss this time?*

She half pleaded, half commanded.

I glowered a bit harder until something felt a bit *squee* in my undercarriage.

*Fine then. I'm gonna screw the shit out of this cupboard.*

I flounced off to fetch a man tool or three. The magnets can wait. 

My upper lip twisted and I let out a nasty chuckle.

Oh yes, they can wait...

But they won't wait forever.