Regret and remorse are very similar and in the dictionary they are used to define each other.  For this post I and going to regard regret as a feeling and remorse as an expression.  For example, if I do something that hurts or offends someone I would tend to regret having done it and express my remorse as an apology.

But where does the feeling of regret come from?  One possible answer is regret is the emotion we feel when we fail to uphold our personal values.  In an earlier post, [Morals, Ethics, and Values](https://steemit.com/life/@mikehamm/morals-ethics-and-values) I talked about the morals we have internalized as our personal values helping to guide our daily behavior.  Once these values are engrained deep enough in our personality we tend to hold them as expectations of our personal behaviour.

The disappointment in myself for not living up to my personal values manifest itself as regret.  If I hold the value of respecting everyone but make an off-handed disparaging remark about someone that is different from me, am I meeting my personal value?  If that value is truly engrained deep enough to guide my behavior, I will regret that remark.

The level of disappointment in ourselves then determines our expression of remorse.  One extreme is that I only thought the disparaging remark.  At this level I admonish myself for the thought and commit to being better at meeting the expectations I have of myself in the future.  At the other extreme, I made the comment to the person that is different from me.  Here I probably need to offer that person a heartfelt apology in order to alleviate some of my disappointment in myself.

Having a strong set of values provides a feedback loop  when you fail to meet the expectations you have of yourself.  Values are taught to us as children and young adults by our parents, religion, school, etc.  As we mature, we choose which of those values we want to keep.  Choosing the right values to keep and utilizing this feedback can make you into any type of person you want to be.