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happy forever chapter two: how to point out the faults, if necessary 

part fourteen

No husband or wife should remain indifferent when their spouse offends other people because of their actions, words, clothing or body odor. There are times when it is necessary to point out the faults and you may be the only person who feels enough concern to do so.

When this duty is met with tact and consideration, the spouse should not resent it. you should know how far you can go with your constructive criticism without your spouse being uncomfortable when dealing with a sensitive point of your personality, and where you can find the difference between inciting anger and leading to overcoming.
when some wives criticize their husbands, even slightly, that unties the war. others gently point out some defect and make some suggestions they think will be useful, and their husbands accept it with gratitude.

It may be that a spouse has a legitimate complaint and wishes to make a valid observation, but may do so when it is not the appropriate time, a person should be asked to amend their behavior only when it is appropriate for them to make the necessary changes. It is best to wait until the incident has passed, because often both spouses can be too close to the situation to consider it objectively and see it broadly. By allowing the emissions of the moment to cool, you can see the case from a more advantageous perspective and act with greater wisdom.

pay attention to his manners and the tone of his voice. Do not talk to your spouse like a father or mother who reprimands or punishes a child for behaving badly. speak to him as an equal. the relationship you could have with any other person, including your children, so it is worth making a special effort to keep it as satisfying as possible. a language teacher complained about her husband's bad grammar. As I knew them personally, I knew that her husband had a good job, that he was a leader in his church and that he had many friends. his faults of grammars bothered only his wife, so that he advised him not to take them into account and instead think of his good qualities. in fact, it often happens that other people are better prepared than ourselves to accept the particulars of our spouse. after all, it is not they who live with the defects, and the knowledge of this should free us from a part of our impulse to reform our spouses.

both husband and wife should not have problems commenting on the things that concern them, but they should never do so by attacking each other. One sure way to cool the effect is to tell the spouse too often what he is doing wrong. there is nothing that destroys love more quickly than the endless repetition of the other's faults. to feel understood, and not criticized or condemned.