> How the fuck... no, I don't want to know.

Yes you do. It's such a great story (so funny I laugh-cried when I reiterated the entire story to a friend). It even includes a happy ending for two people unrelated to the elevator hand crushing incident. Timing is everything.

> Self-blame is still victim blaming.

Not self-blame (those days are so over for years). I knowingly allowed it to happen (complicated). There are reasons for that (also complicated). 

> he's currently sitting on his hands.

I'm wondering how you know where his hands are at the same time as I'm thinking I don't want to think-know where his hands are.