My loved one has a problem...What do I do?

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·@nobutsd·
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My loved one has a problem...What do I do?
Having received several questions from readers about what exactly recovery is about, I have been led to make a series of posts to answer some questions that seem to be common, and not very well known. 
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I need to tell you that I am not a trained social worker or substance abuse counselor. I am a recovering Heroin (and other things) addict with 17 months sobriety. I have been around the 12 step programs since I was 14 and was first introduced to them, and I have completed drug rehabilitation programs on numerous occasions. I currently am the Resident Manager at a Christian transitional housing program with 16 residents. I only can speak from my own experience and I do not speak for any organization.

Now that being said, the first question I am going to address is what to do when you have a loved one or family member who has developed an addiction or compulsion that is causing them problems that they cannot seem to see themselves. 

People often do not realize that there are many different things that can cause a person trouble when we take it to the extreme. Work, eating, gambling, cutting yourself, or basically anything that someone allows to take over their life can be addressed by using the principles of recovery as first put down by Alcoholics Anonymous, and since adapted for just about anything that can be thought of to cause trouble. 

Often people are first introduced to "The Tables," as we call them in the program, through the court system when they get into trouble for something related to their compulsion or addiction. Unfortunately, it is common that the person does not grab on to the principles the first time they hear about them. They might blame bad luck, or "getting told on," but rarely will someone honestly look at their behavior right away. This is not to say that nobody does, just not most. Denial at it's finest. There are also some who, once they get into trouble, will somehow change their behavior so as to not face those consequences again, Unfortunately for those people, they do not get to experience the healing that can come from working a solid program and working the steps with a trusted friend and sponsor. 

If you have a loved one that you think has a problem,  you can learn how others are dealing with their family members problems. One of the best ways to do this is to seek out a support group for family members such as Al-Anon. This is a group set up specifically for family members of alcoholics initially, but has now came to include many different things,  a clearinghouse of sorts. They will also have the contact information for other support groups that are not advertised. For example, rape victims do not want their meeting places known for obvious reasons. Another resource is the local AA  central office. They will be able to give you referrals as well.

If your family member is using you for money, a place to stay, or some other resource they should be able to provide themselves, the best thing you can do for them is stop. It may feel as though you are helping them through a time of trouble, but in reality you are enabling them to continue in their self destructive behavior by not forcing them to look at it. Addicts are master manipulators and know how to push buttons to get what they want. You might think that without you they will be homeless or face some other catastrophe in their life, and you may be right, but ask yourself what happens if your continuing to support them is what gives them just enough to really hurt themselves? Do you want them to get well or do you want them to continue in their self destructive ways?

If your loved one is the type to threaten you when they do not get what they want, you should hold them responsible and call the police. First, you do not deserve to be treated with violence, and second they need to know that their behavior has consequences. I know it is one of the hardest things to do to put someone you care about in jail, but it can also be the thing that leads them to seek help. Often addicts will use threats of violence or even suicide to get what they want, and as someone who cares you are prone to be scared. This is why I tell you to call the cops, or the local Mental Health department. These are things that professionals need to deal with and I cannot tell you any different.

I know that this might not be the advice you want to hear, and I cannot give you a magic pill. Unfortunately someone in need of recovery has to realize it themselves, you cannot do it for them. You can however make things as uncomfortable for them as possible to make them see they need it sooner, help them to hit their "Bottom" so to speak. While your doing this, you can get support from others and begin to heal from the abuse you are being put through, meet new friends, and learn how to help your loved one.

If you know someone who needs help please seek it out, if you know someone who should read this please share it with them. If you have enjoyed this post and would like to read about a hard-core drug addict that has been redeemed by Jesus, please follow and support me. Also, if you would like to see a chat room opened on discord for addiction and recovery issues, please go to this post and leave a comment in support. https://steemit.com/christian-trail/@nobutsd/trying-to-create-a-discord-channel-for-addiction-and-recovery-issues Thank you and God bless
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