I have been sober 17 months now and have been single the same amount of time. The last girlfriend I had left me when I was in rehab to go back to her husband. We had had an affair about 15 years ago after we had met on Myspace, and for those of you who don't know, Myspace was an ancient precursor to Facebook. She was an unhappily married woman, and I was some guy that didn't care about anything but myself and cheated on my wife constantly. We hooked up ten or fifteen times until one day I received a phone call from her husband saying "Please stop sleeping with my wife." I promptly told him I did not know what he was talking about and hung up.
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![single-and-lonely.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmUnFAQHdf5LtzN6DwnGYaMxLfj3pfnhzSKxpU7c2TMtbD/single-and-lonely.jpg)
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Fast forward to two years ago, when I saw her in my Facebook feed and said "Hi." I told her that it was cool knowing her back in the day and if she ever wanted to talk to say "Hi." She messaged me back and told me she had left her husband and was living with her Mom. We started talking and then dating. She kept telling me she was going to file for divorce but for some reason never found the time to actually do it.

I was living on the street at the time and was homeless. I was carrying everything I owned in a backpack and often went days without eating. Of course I never went without heroin! She eventually got her own apartment but of course I could not move in, she had to think of how it would look during the divorce (that she never filed for). I stayed with her every so often, and she let me keep some things in her closet, but move in? No...

So when the time came that I decided to go to rehab and get sober, I kind of had to tell her that I had been using, although how she did not know I will never know. I honestly think she just chose to not see it. I was in rehab about 2 weeks when I called her and she informed me she was going back to her husband. This really was not a surprise to me.

When I got out of rehab I came to the program I currently manage and upon getting here she brought the few things I had to me. The funniest thing was she came with her Mom cause apparently she was scared of me!! So I was here about a month when I got an Email from her declaring her love and telling me how she was not happy. I was actually speechless, I mean what do you say at that point? I messaged her back and told her that I was going to concentrate on me for awhile and she needed to figure out what she wanted.

Well recently she has been messaging me saying how she wants to start "Hooking up" again, it puts me in a very hard place. I am a Christian and am doing my best to practice what I preach, I do not want to be that guy anymore. But if I am honest I will admit that I am very lonely. I am 43 years old and have never been a great looking guy that women flock to. Regardless of the lofty things people say, being a nice guy really does not count for much now.

No, I am not going to be involved in an adulterous relationship again, instead I will wait on God to bring a special person in my life, as a matter of fact I just messaged her and said "Please stop trying to get me to do this, I do not want to have to block your number." I really hope she listens. I had prayed for the Lord to give me strength, and he has never let me down. Please pray that I can continue to live a Christ centered life and continue to maintain my sobriety.

I will write later another chapter of my life story if anyone is looking for it.

 If you have enjoyed this post and would like to read about a hard-core drug addict that has been redeemed by Jesus, please follow and support me. Also, if you would like to see a chat room opened on discord for addiction and recovery issues, please go to this post and leave a comment in support. https://steemit.com/christian-trail/@nobutsd/trying-to-create-a-discord-channel-for-addiction-and-recovery-issues Thank you and God bless

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