Hi,

I am 24 years old and have been married for two years. My husband has a lot of good qualities – charming, successful, ambitious, funny, sociable, intelligent, gentle and great in bed. But his appearance is not so great; he isn’t exactly ugly, but he isn’t so good looking either. I love him very much though.

Recently I met a guy in university who is not only smart and full of talent but gorgeous and very handsome. We talk regularly and he constantly sends messages that he would like to have “something” with me. I feel sexually attracted to him and hardly can hold myself back in his presence.

My husband and I are very open-minded about our sex life and have already experienced threesomes (the third has been another woman).

> Although I don’t want to cheat on him and I am not looking for excuses to do so, I am hopeless. How can I ignore temptations like this? How am I expected to have sex with the same person for 50 years? The boredom will kill me.
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Jude

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Jude,,

There are several moral questions here –

· Can or should a threesome be considered an act of infidelity?

· And fantasies? Is having them cheating?

· Is cheating a sin?

But because every human being has his or her own moral criteria and no one but you has the right to tell you how to live your life, I will put the moral dilemma aside and address the potential consequences of the steps you are still hesitating to take.

If you have sex with the good-looking guy (“the model”) it will come out sooner or later – without a doubt – and your relationship will face a serious crisis. You will then both have to decide whether your love is strong enough to get over the trauma and over the loss of trust to enable a process of healing.

It is the same situation that you have right now, only today you operate under much better conditions. You have not hurt anyone, you didn’t cross any red line and you have the comfort and time to make wise decisions.

Obviously, the passion in your marriage is over or at least dimming. You are overflowing with concern about what seems to be the decay of intimacy with your husband; you are afraid for the future and of losing the zest for life. So you are on the lookout for ways to invigorate your life, to make your heart sing again and to feel Eros streaming in your veins. As always, when you look for something, the universe provides the needed opportunities and leaves the decision to you. But know that no fling or casual affair can ever replace the abundant loving energies that a lasting relationship brings. A fling would only revive your spirit for a short while after which you would be frustrated again and would look for more shallow sexual adventures.

You have evidently not yet experienced the deeper realms of love that can only be revealed and explored in time with a trusted partner. Any attempt to investigate the psyche and its sexual component is a lifelong endeavor that requires patience, focus and dedication.

You have put yourself on the path that would eventually take you to places of empowerment, self-knowledge and deeper understanding of yourself, your body, your reality and your world. When you reach that place you will know new depths of intimacy and your life will be transformed (including your sex life).  How do I know? Because you chose, two years ago, to get married!

Have you changed your mind? If so, divorce your husband right now, become single again and experience as much casual sex and as many flings as you want without hurting anyone. When someone decides to get married s/he declares – and the universe hears - that s/he is ready to commit; the commitment is not only towards another human being but towards the bigger Self and towards the path of awakening.

##### If you still care about your path choose to develop yourself within your relationship. Do it with your husband without any interference from strangers. Not in intimate conversations and certainly not in bed.

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Good luck!

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