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It is quite difficult to articulate one's thoughts after a stressful day. I am trying to pen/type this down before my eyelids succumb to the pressure of sleep. I feel tired; my thoughts are hazy, but I must write.

One of my greatest fears now is losing a part of me I consider to be my most authentic self. The part of me that loves to write. I have built a life for myself doing what I love the most and that has been one of my greatest accomplishments. I did it, even when the odds were against me and I take a lot of pride in my accomplishments.

However, these days it has been difficult to keep up. I fear my new life is drawing me away from everything I know and cherish; everything I have worked for here on hive.  I can't remember the last time I read something other than the few posts I am supposed to grade or edit during the day. Even that has become an onerous because I barely have time for anything other than rideshare business.

These past few weeks/months I have learnt to appreciate hive a lot more for the opportunities it has given some many of us to live the life we want–I miss that life. Hopefully during the next bull run I would be able to consolidate a few things to sustain the life I want.

I cannot complain about my new reality now. Although strenuous, I can put into motion some of my long term plans because I have the means to do so at ease. I am worrying less about money and more about my plans. This is a much more healthy balance for me.

It is inevitable that I would start writing less. In retrospect, it's a bit ironic in the sense that I do not feel the supposed relief I craved for not having to subject myself to the whims and caprices of a few people. Well, it is a good feeling not needed to write to survive. At least I have proven to myself that it is possible. Nevertheless, I still want to write as much as I can. Immortalise myself and my life through my thoughts. 

I do not know what lies ahead when I am off this planet but I do want the few people who would remember or value my life to be able to go through my page and get a snippet into my mind. This was the whole point of writing in the first place before monetisation came into the picture. 

Anyways, this is all I can ramble about this evening. Cheers!


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