![image](https://img.esteem.ws/0hsme1qepy.jpg)
I present this article to myself, where I am in trouble, confusion, and others. Now, only tables, chairs, pens and paper can be my friend to pour all of my heart into. A glass of mineral water beside me made my mind calm. The booming sound of the wall clock coloring my sadness tonight. Drop-by-drop splashes of water fell to the floor due to rain tonight. This roof leaked, I forgot to fix it. A guitar that I accidentally placed on the living room sofa with a cup of coffee in front of it as a shadow from someone. I turned on the television in the middle and put some dirty clothes on the chair as a shadow of someone.

"Hi, are you home? How are you?"
Again people come. Never mind I want to be alone. Don't they realize that their arrival instead just ransacked my heart. Their arrival even bothered me. Do I have to throw him out and lock the door? I do not think so. It is not good. I just served the chant from him, but after a while he was tired and finally went home. After all, I still appreciate their hard work comforting me from this afternoon to evening before tonight.
Certainly. After I arrived someone and the person came home, I always took guling in my room. And the edges of the bolster are wet. Wet from tears flowing slowly through my cheeks.

I locked the room door. The desk, chair, pen and paper I left were lying. I slammed myself on the bed with a bolster that I would wet again. While I looked at the thirty roof tiles above. I won't tell you why I can wet the roll twenty times a day. If I tell you, I'm afraid this roll will get wet again for the twenty-first time.

I locked the door to the house. Now I live alone in this house.
From this afternoon, I did this repeatedly. In the room, crying, someone came, crying again. And so on until tonight I will go to sleep. But my eyes were propped up by something heavy. This is my heart and mind. This makes it difficult for me to sleep. I even forgot to close the window, turn off the water tap, turn off the stove that is being used to make rice, all I don't care about. I just want my heart and mind to be in harmony somehow.

Enough. I took the guitar on the living room sofa. I put it in place again. A cup of coffee on the table was cold and I threw it into the sewer. I took the laundry of the dirty clothes that were on the chair in the middle room and turned off the television. I put it in the bathroom washing machine. It will only make me cry. There is no more shadow from father in the living room. There will be no more shadows from the mother in the living room! Enough!
I told you. I don't want to tell why. The fear of rolling will get wet again for the twenty-first time. But that's the point.

This morning,
I intend to. I will return to my old self. Self who always smiles even though this is very heavy, this is very difficult, this is very impossible. The rolling cloth that had been wet yesterday I released and immediately took it to the bathroom washing machine to wash it with my dirty clothes yesterday. Hopefully after it is washed it will not be wet again. The house door is still locked, and no one has come here even though it's already seven in the morning. I opened the window, I turned on the water tap, I cleaned the pan of stale rice which I forgot to turn off the stove yesterday, I washed all the dirty clothes.

It turns out today, the most recent day among the latest. After it's all over, I leave. I cleaned the back garden from the scrub which was not pleasing to the eye. I fell dry leaves fell and threw them into the trash. Yes, I threw it in the trash. As with my experience yesterday, I threw it all into the trash.

After the garden is finished. I forgot to clean the mother and father's room. The room was flapping unkindly. At the table, the mother deodorant is spread out unorganized. Yesterday the mother used a deodorant because she was in a hurry. The smell of daddy's perfume still tasted on the pillows and sheets. Mother and father's jacket, clothes and pants still hang on the coat hanger behind the door. I forgot to wash it earlier. The wardrobe in Dad's room suddenly changes color. Like the mother and father's wedding photos that were exposed on the room's wall. They look romantic. Since yesterday, their photos turned white. In their chests they depict a picture of heaven.

After that, I left using my motorcycle. The motorcycle garage forgot I cleaned it too. I will pay electricity bills, pay for water, and others. I did it all myself. Really alone. I took the money on the mother's desk and pocket of father's pants. I don't think about eating. I am lazy to make side dishes, I am lazy to make rice, I do not want to eat. At least not full. I'm not hungry either. Many things must be done.

I am home. I have done everything except cleaning the garage. I do it later. What is clear, now I want to stretch my body for a moment. This feels like living alone. Tiring. I have to do it all. If not, who am I? I'm the only one in this house. Actually some of my neighbors want to stay here to accompany me. Or some of them have offered me to stay at his house. But I do not want to. Even though their intentions are good, their way actually makes my heart ruffled again. It's already good. Even though the images of mother and father still crossed my mind.

I can't do this alone at home. I still have to go to school. I have to pursue what I want. But how can I pursue it all? As if I have nothing else. I only have memories that I cannot forget even though I have been so hard to forget.

The next day, the same thing I did. I skipped school, I did what I should have done at home. I do what I shouldn't do. Everything is all about me. And a few times I could wet the bolt again even though it wasn't up to twenty times. Often my neighbor is here to check my situation. Well, I appreciate him. His arrival now makes me calm. Not like yesterday when I wanted to be alone.
But. I can't stay silent. I can't do this anymore. I have to chase what I want.

I made a decision.
I will contact Auntie, whose house is outside the island. Far away there. Actually aunt wants to come here to check my situation from yesterday, but she is busy and her house is very far away too. I want to move there so that the shadow of them doesn't cross my mind anymore. I will pursue what I want there. I will get the things I deserve. I will leave this house for a while.

I'm sorry, I can't take care of your inheritance. Because I'm still too early. I can only do what I did yesterday. I beg for leave, father, mother. To the aunt's house far away. Aunt picked me up and waited at the airport. I have prepared this suitcase. This is my father's suitcase, which was then carried by my father before father was gone. I have to do this. If not, what does it mean that I live. Trust me, this house will be safe. Everything will be alright. There are our neighbors who take care of this house. I left it anyway. In a few years, I'll be back here. I promise. I will bring this precious heritage forever.

International airport, I'm leaving.
"Auntie, wait for me there. Auntie is already there right? "
"Already. One hour ago the plane just landed here. "
"Fine, I'm leaving."
"Auntie at the cafe in front of the arrival gate."