I've been thinking about this post for a while now. I thought it was finally time to get it out of my head and onto Steemit. 

It's been over 4 years since I've had an alcoholic beverage. It's pretty unusual for an Australian male, of adult age, to not drink. 

I used to drink. Sometimes a lot, sometimes enough, occasionally only 1 or 2. I had my first drink when I was 17, even though the legal drinking age in Australia is 18. I think that's pretty common though, and probably I was a late starter compared to my peers. 

I didn't start *really* drinking until University. Then I had a group of peers who loved alcohol as much as we loved sport. It was good fun. We would drink until intoxicated most Friday and Saturday nights, then some Wednesday & Thursday nights. But you could guarantee if we were together, we were drinking. Again this is not unusual in Australia. 

![208176_5091456527_4786_n.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmX3jXbJmvw6ksmyW2Gf9NSwkxK194iq6uxzL5X6rEt3Y3/208176_5091456527_4786_n.jpg) Uni days with a beer

It occurred to me at some stage though that the foundation of some of my friendships was alcohol, and when I made clear decisions not to drink that I didn't have anything in common with some of these friends. That was one of my first realisations that the culture of drinking in Australia was rampant, but perhaps more so that my drinking was not completely under my control.

At some stage through my Uni career I had a relationship break up and turned to alcohol to see me through that stage of life. I did some stupid things, luckily none stupid enough that they had a lasting effect on my life. I sustained a few minor injuries, and sometimes when I reflect on these I was fortunate that I survived some of the situations I found myself in. I still didn't think I had a problem at this stage, mind you. When telling and re-telling the stories I was revered by my peer group.

Luckily I eventually found my now wife, and began to take some responsibility for my life. My drinking was never again at the levels of unexplained injuries the night after, but it did take some time for me to slow down completely. And for another 10 years I had a love-hate relationship with alcohol. It's the Government approved drug for a bad day, right? Or a good day for that matter. Need to celebrate, have a drink. Feeling down, have a drink. Homer Simpson said "Beer, is there any problem it can't solve nor create".

One night I drove my car home after a big night. When I woke up I couldn't remember getting home. It was one of the most regrettable things I have done in my life. Luckily, I didn't hurt anyone else nor myself. After that night I decided to take a break from alcohol. To my credit, I went 2 years without a drink at that time. 

When I felt like I might be able to have just 1 or 2, I started again. It didn't stay that way for long. I went through a stage of brewing my own beer at home. In hindsight this was foolish, it was enabling my issues by having a near endless supply of alcohol that cost next to nothing. I wasn't a social drinker anymore either, I would just drink by myself all the time. Eventually I gave up the home brewing, and I knew that my relationship with alcohol was still troubled. Whatever I would purchase I would drink, almost in the first night I purchased it. I'd try to reduce the risk by just buying a 6 pack at a time, at least then I could only drink 6 beers in a sitting. 

I ended up becoming a father, and I was never going to risk my children's health or wellbeing by drinking. I had it in control again for some time. And drinking became less important. I didn't really have a group of friends through this time and threw myself into work & family. The new problem would be access to alcohol through work. Wherever I went there would be free alcohol! At the airport lounge, at work functions, work dinners, travel for work. There were a few occasions again when I went really hard, and luckily, didn't do any permanent damage this time to my career or my body. 

After my son was born I found myself in a lingering depression. I had realised at this stage that alcohol consumption for me, had a link with my mental health. I loved drinking, and would be high as a kite whilst drinking, but then would be extremely low and guilt ridden after a "good night". My circumstances found me starting medications for depression, and I swore that I would not touch a drop of alcohol whilst I was on the medication. 

I have been off and on the medication over the years, but decided that my life is better without alcohol. I get asked from time to time if I miss it. The truth is that I do. I mean, I loved it! I loved the way it made me feel, I loved the escapism it provided, it was able to quiet the incessant chatter in my mind. The time that I miss it most is when my wife has a nice red wine when we're on holidays. I would dearly love to share that with her, but I'm still not comfortable that I could have just the 1 glass and not have the floodgates open. Plus, I'd rather feel great in the mornings and get out for some exercise rather than nurse a hangover. 

People still don't understand when I say I don't drink, and they always ask why. I used to be vague and say "for health reasons". These days I'm more open and say "it messed with my mental health".

I don't know if I'll ever drink again, but I can't really see a reason to start again at this stage.