'Mind if we raincheck?', I asked a mate last week. She was meant to be picking up a mushroom bucket from me, but I knew if they came over it'd be a couple of hours out of my weekend and we had a constant stream of people dropping over for cuppas or picking things up or dropping things off. 

'Things are a bit hectic', I said. And they were, for me. Everythings relative. Hectic was the stream of people, housework, doing the garden, and building the back of the camper with Jamie that kept being interrupted by people. I needed space. It's not that I don't love people, just sometimes I need quiet, because my bones rattle with the demands placed upon my nervous system by noise, talking, responding. 

She said sure, next weekend was fine. I was quite relieved yet looking forward to seeing them at the same time - they are old friends that I hadn't properly caught up with in years.




![received_1294826714640368~2.jpeg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/riverflows/23vsSPWzzvKJs5Qv3DYAAjXQg64Y9ThCxXyzaqQRyZjqiJodHoQ5Z5yriVaX9F64XzW7E.jpeg)



It was a relief to have space, to potter and spend time with Jamie, and by late afternoon we had finally sat down for a beer in the sunshine to shoot arrows and chat. I was starting to unwind. The birds were darting through the trees, including a new parrot we hadn't seen before, and the world was full of beauty and light. I took a short video of Jamie taking aim at the target, panning the camera round to take in the trees, bird song, blossoms, sunlight, and posted it as a story on Instagram. 

In the morning I woke up to a message from said mate. It seemed very snide and irritated in tone: 'Hmmm, not TOO hectic then I see' it read in response the 5 second video. 


![IMG20221030162222.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/riverflows/23ynUjDGhPfr4r9bAzPG3tyiYS6M5cQWg3cUrgCtcRAWNpN1RmvYHkqaYuWT1mX3VgGS4.jpg)


At first I facepalmed myself for posting it, shooting off a defensive, explanatory message that tripped over itself in an attempt to make things right. Because she was *annoyed*, as if I had lied to her or something. Clearly, if I was shooting arrows and drinking beer, I could have had them over. 

But the more I thought about it, the madder I got. How on earth does a five second video explain what I'd been doing all weekend? If she had bothered to visit over the years maybe she would have known about my hypersensitivity, my stress breakdown, how I cope with life by creating spaces where I can recharge so I am capable of socialising, doing what I need to do to have a rich and fulfilling life. Heck, even our young houseguests totally embraced me going off for a surf 'because I need to recharge my batteries and needed some alone time.'. They got it when I said it wasn't them, at all, just I am better at life when I take time to recharge.

The worst was that she had seen my message back explaining that for me, things HAD been hectic, and we had only just sat down for a beer and relax at 5 pm, which was much needed. I briefly mentioned how I was frazzled and overwrought from a hard week and needed space. 

And she didn't reply. A week later, still no reply. And she still hasn't picked up her mushroom buckets. 

So when they are ready, I'll fry them up with garlic and eat them with sourdough and freshly dressed steamed artichokes from the garden, and turn to friends who don't need big explanations from me, and totally get it when I say things are hectic and I need my space. 


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# `With Love,` 


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