It's so difficult for me to talk, so i am writing again. It's has been a very tough day for me. I woke up this morning in my newly furnished apartment. An apartment that i designed to focus on Hive and Hive alone. An apartment that i planned to bring my mom over. 



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This designed on my wall made me so happy. Suddenly, I got the call. "Come home tomorrow" those were the words of my father. I had to call back because i had to confirm my fears. You know it has happened when a 56 year old man says something like that to his son with tears.

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Now, I'm writing this in my mom's room. I haven't seen or heard her voice since i came back. Obviously i can't. 
My house is crowded. I'm seeing people i haven't seen in more than a decade. I feel so upset and sad at this same time. My mom has been sick for years and many of this people hid. Now she's dead and everyone is here. Hypocrites!

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In all sincerity, my mother was the bridge between myself and my father. She has always wanted me to love him despite everything he has done.  Now i feel so much pity for him. Everyone is blaming him for my mom's death. Saying he could have done better.  As for me, I feel the same guilt. I knew i should have done better. 

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#### But she promised she'd Fight!
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##### That was my last conversation on WhatsApp with my mom..

I called her everytime and she assured me she would fight her illness.  I guess it was stronger than her. My mom is a fighter, she taught me almost everything i know today. She made me see the world differently. She loved helping kids, Even when she wasn't strong financially, she still did her best. 

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#### Everything reminds me of her
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It's only day 1 and everything seems to make me cry. At the airport today, checking in, They called mothers first. In the bus heading home, they played "mother's day songs throughout". Just everything reminds me of her. It all tortures me. I can't always help but shake in tears.

My mom would likely be buried on my 22nd birthday which is at the end of next month (the 28th). 

It's funny how plans are already being made. I'm her only child and I'm expected to do alot of things. At the moment i really don't care. I'm angry and sad.  

In a way, she had to go. She had suffered alot of pains. Problem is, how am i going to go through all this?

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#### Thank God For Hive 
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I appreciate everyone on Hive that supports me. The love is massive.  I'm happy i can freely share my plight here. Thanks for the rewards. It very much needed.  I'm going to power down and probably borrow some liquid hive to help with the burial. 

I read the comments and it helps me. Thank you everyone.