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i sit and i stare into this emptiness
the emptiness that consumes me internally
i stare into something greater than me
my thoughts strangle me
she is asking me about the images stuck in my weak mind
him holding me down
saying those words
me screaming
hands on my thighs disgusting
tears start to fall
i told her how i felt
the heavy feeling in my chest
the words powerless, weak, fearful
my eyes are sore now
just like my body that night
small memories pop in my head small images
looking down at my feet nothing on
dressed in shame and screams
the way i felt that night
the feeling of being weak
the emotions that flood my blood stream
all of it is coming back slowly intensely
the memories are in these small pieces
i don’t know if i can handle these feelings
i can’t
i can’t do this
i can’t keep going
i am done
i am done with having the blame
i am done with nobody listening to the words i am screaming!
i am screaming these words!
i am yelling for someone
someone to not use this against me
i don’t want this to define me!
the feeling of being misunderstood
nobody was there to help me but my family and a few friends
but friends are fading, my eyes are blurring
all these thoughts are running through my mind as i sit here
feet flat on the ground
i don’t want to think about these details
i don’t want to think
i don’t remember that night
sand tears body broken