![kid-doing-motocross.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmRRZjrZbyegxUbkX26XD9QUWcDdQn5XbFhdEd9o1LePHH/kid-doing-motocross.jpg)

# Mistakes are stepping stones to learning
In the past twenty-five years of studying parenting and education, I've noticed a pattern. Let's call it "the rise of the bubble-wrapped people." Most parents care about their children and justifiably want happiness for them. Unfortunately, these parents may not realize an important fact: the benefits of allowing children to experience hardship may often outweigh the distaste, discomfort, or risk involved in many "hard," "boring," or "dangerous" activities. 

# Do not do for others what they can do for themselves
Here's a crazy idea to try: When a child has the physical and mental capability to do something for themselves, and they come to you asking for help they don't really need, try this: put aside your need to nurture and insist they do the thing themselves. You can still give gentle encouragement. Note: It's okay to help your kids out. Just please be aware of how often you do this and the impact it has on their fast-learning minds.

"I hear you wanting me to tie your shoes, lil Emily. Wouldn't it be great if you never ever had to do a thing for yourself? If every time you want something done, a magical being does it for you? Would you like that? What if you are much more powerful when you can tie your own shoes? Here, I'll show you how..."

![child-in-danger.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmXNkVWYE9f78SZvoK6pst9kbBBhM7e3u8fMQM2e1nuogd/child-in-danger.jpg)

Of course, you will weigh the risks! I'm not advocating you put your child in obvious danger. The point here is not to harm or cause pain to your children. The point is to allow them to experience the natural consequences of the world around them so they grow up to be people who rise to a challenge, rather than shirk away in fear. And bonus: this will usually mean less work for you as a parent. Especially as time progresses and your child shows more independence, courage, and capability. 

# What is Peaceful Parenting?
What I'm recommending is neither "permissive parenting" or "authoritarian parenting". It's part of a growing movement called "peaceful parenting" where we acknowledge that interference, especially coercion, comes with a price. Like most parents, we prefer our children grow up to be people who are peaceful, resourceful, responsible, powerful, generous, honest, and empathetic. So we, as examples, embody these traits for our children to see and experience as they grow up. 

Now many parents not studied up on peaceful parenting might say, "But I do all that!" 

Oh? Let's see. 

Do you consider it peaceful to force your child to wear what *you* think is best for them to wear, rather than allow them to be responsible for their own choices and acquire the natural consequences lesson of learning that the clothing they chose earned them discomfort throughout their day? This is a battle you can, at an appropriate age, of course, choose to let go of.

# Which of the following is more empathetic?
"Mommy the things that boy said to me hurt my feelings!"
(a) "That boy was wrong. He's mean. Ignore him!"
(b) "Oh my sweet baby! Let's get you some ice cream and a toy!"
(c) "Are you sad because it hurts to hear things like that and you want more consideration for your feelings?" AFTER empathy for your child, maybe even progressing to encouraging empathy for others with something like, "I wonder why that boy is hurting so much he says things like that to other people?"

Which of the above methods jumps straight to "fixing," "solution," and/or "us vs. them" programming and which gives empathy? 

# In a nutshell
Many parents, out of a sincere desire to nurture and fear of losing their children, will treat their children in ways that encourage dependence. I invite you to get in the habit of asking yourself, "Does this situation offer an opportunity to become a lesson in natural consequences, independence, courage, resourcefulness, or empathy?" 

# Recommended articles
- https://steemit.com/life/@wizofreuse/becoming-antifragile
- https://steemit.com/peacefulparenting/@scottermonkey/bubble-wrapped-kids
- Jonathan Haidt and Lenore Skenazy: http://reason.com/archives/2017/10/26/the-fragile-generation

# Jonathan Haidt video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dj5QmZPzvlQ

# Some books on this topic I recommend
- Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg
- Antifragile by Nassim Nicholas Taleb
- Everything Voluntary from Politics to Parenting by Skyler Collins
- Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn
- Easy To Love, Difficult to Discipline: The 7 Basic Skills for Turning Conflict by Becky Bailey
- Conscious Discipline: 7 Basic Skills for Brain Smart Classroom Management by Becky Bailey
- How Children Learn by John Holt