... It seemed that for a long time at least a little bit I could convince, persuade, persuade myself, that - it's not such a schmuck. You. That man - I - it sounds proud. You can raise your head, at last, in an apologetically apologetic inclined. Eyes down, to the ground. From a constant sense of guilt and self-deprecation.

... An-no. Not so. Not at all. Not at all persuaded.

https://i10.fotocdn.net/s24/52/gallery_l/82/2600358195.jpg

Bitterness rolls heavy. Resentment does not give a sigh. And - biting, ruthless lashes with self-blame. By the most sensitive ego. On the helpless soul. On the children's, non-healing wounds: they have not gone anywhere and will never heal.

No, do not breathe freely. Only tolerate, when released until the next time, exactly as painful as all the previous times, which were so many during life. And, to experience all the harder and more hopeless: it does not get used to this. Do not get used to ...

To escape-to hide-to forget-to hide ... So that nobody could see how small you are. How much is your shame deep. How big is shame.

https://i10.fotocdn.net/s24/124/gallery_l/369/2596892795.jpg

The most terrible thing is not what you see, how a familiar mask is sliding down from you. The worst thing is that others see it. See your hidden. You, the real one. They see your defenselessness and helplessness. It's unbearable...

... today is one of those days that would never be better.