Hey there, it's @shayne
 
For those of you who read it, *THIS* is the post that made me angry enough to write this post:
 
- [**A N G E R**](https://steemit.com/life/@shayne/a-n-g-e-r)
 
I'm going to go ahead and re-write it. Hopefully it doesn't lack anything from the original. 
 
WE SHALL SEE! :D
 
But nonetheless, this is another in the series of "Steemit: What NOT To Do":
 
- [**Steemit Tips: How NOT To Behave On Steemit -- Follow-Begging**](https://steemit.com/steemit/@shayne/steemit-tips-how-not-to-behave-on-steemit-follow-begging)
- [**Steemit Tips: How NOT To Behave on Steemit -- Plagiarism**](https://steemit.com/steemit/@shayne/steemit-tips-how-not-to-behave-on-steemit-plagiarism)
- [**Steemit Tips: How NOT To Behave on Steemit -- Following and Followers**](https://steemit.com/steemit/@shayne/steemit-tips-how-not-to-behave-on-steemit-following-and-followers)
 
This post will be covering ***Cognitive Dissonance***
 
## Why is this an important lesson for Steemit?
 
![](https://middlevision.files.wordpress.com/2015/11/cognitive_dissonance-bennett.jpg)
[*](https://middlevision.wordpress.com/2015/12/14/tony-blair-and-the-cognitive-dissonance-of-his-detractors/)
 
My experience here on Steemit has been overall about 95% positive.
 
The people in this community are smart and compassionate and open-minded. It's not like Twitter where people quickly get into emotionally guarded positions and attack others like rabid baboons. Maybe it's the micro-blogging platform itself that spurs people to behave that way, but it's definitely a different experience from Steemit. (look out, @zappl)
 
So I'm posting this here to help you, my friends, and myself, to be aware of *cognitive dissonance*, when others are exhibiting it, and when you are probably doing it yourself.
 
## What is Cognitive Dissonance
 
It's a phrase you've probably seen a lot on the internet lately. And that's probably because people are just discovering what it actually is that makes people so snippy and defensive online.
 
From [Wiki](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance)
>**Cognitive dissonance**
>In the field of psychology, cognitive dissonance is the mental discomfort (psychological stress) experienced by a person who simultaneously holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values. The occurrence of cognitive dissonance is consequence of a person's performing an action that contradicts personal beliefs, ideals, and values; and also occurs when confronted with new information that contradicts said beliefs, ideals, and values.
 
## My approach
 
When you are able to recognize cognitive dissonance in yourself, it becomes really easy to recognize it in others. So I would recommend taking the time to challenge your own most deeply held beliefs and values as an exercise of philosophical robustness. If you can recognize when and where your views contradict reality, and you are able to reevaluate those views and evolve your perspective, you will know better where I'm coming from.
 
I also have given up being combative with people who are experiencing dissonance. It's not useful or helpful to me or the other person, because I know that most of my experiences overcoming my own cognitive dissonance have come from being confronted and reflecting on the gnawing inconsistencies later, in private, over a period of time.
 
So I am compassionate and do not take remarks that come from cognitive dissonance seriously.
 
## This is the case
 
I was on [this Twitter post](https://twitter.com/MarkDice/status/869651720921530368), where a user seemed not to know that the Portland killer was actually a Bernie Sanders supporter. So I decided to check and see what they knew in order to better understand what I was about to get myself into.
 
![01.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmbku27peM1WquL4Gbyxj1Y7WG8NGAGTh87QvcPVi2apMM/01.png)
 
Seeing as how the facts conflict with their proclaimed bias, I was prepared for the usual response of cognitive dissonance, which is insult and heavy deflection.
 
And I was not disappointed.
 
 ![02.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmV4THzzaUUo7LCuea17XGTdA2AMojDi9tuRbArDLwJYog/02.png)
 
See, right there, she has a preconceived bias of what a "Sanders supporter" is, and when the facts contradict that belief, we begin to see deflection "You truly believe the guy wasn't empowered by Trump's hate rhetoric?" and insult "I'll give you time to look up definition"
 
Trump's rhetoric has nothing to do with the guy being a Sanders supporter, so I am not addressing that. And I'm not even sure what definition they're expecting me to "look up", and since It's obviously coming from the position of cognitive dissonance, I'm not going to address that, either.
 
Rather, I clearly stated what I think is going on, and showed compassion and understanding. Which I expected to be taken as a challenge of some kind or even an insult.
 
And again, I was not disappointed lol
 
 ![03.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmWyzZ9LbCymGwMiF8rtWy1smu2YM62zzWFvRkNiJXK9UN/03.png)
 
The deflection didn't work, so they doubled down on insults with passive-aggression. Which I countered with even more understanding and compassion, and even some encouragement, because I know what it's like to be called out on being wrong -- it's not easy! But as people it is healthy for us to be challenged and adapt our view when we are wrong. I've done it myself.
 
I understand that this can be taken the wrong way, but honestly, there's no other way that I can think of to express uncynical compassion on Twitter, so I just go for it and give enough room for other people to digest.
 
Their response to this was to insult me further and try to validate their own worth by claiming to be very educated. This doesn't actually matter objectively, however, as educated people are just as susceptible to emotional discomfort and psychological stress as anyone else, and the facts here are that this person is wrong in thinking that the Portland killer wasn't a Sanders supporter because "Sanders supporters aren't Islamophobes."
 
I continued.
 
 ![04.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmSXad7NNPiWWx6tMtPkfYwTNBayvZi6QTJGHM2ANN6BAp/04.png)
 
So, I wanted Mama Bear to know that I'm not attacking her. She was all over this thread fighting with a lot of other people who were matching their own biases with hers. But that's not my game. I want her to actually think about this and hopefully check her bias, and remember that the guy who confronted her about it wasn't actually an asshole despite the fact that she was being one.
 
So I gave one last dose of compassion and understanding before presenting my "reliable source" ([USA Today](http://amp.usatoday.com/story/353963001/)) and giving her space to digest it.
 
Honestly, if you are strongly defending a position against many people at once (which I'm sure we've all done), and your facts turn out to be wrong (which happens to everyone), that's a pretty embarrassing experience, and I really don't want people to be embarrassed for simply not knowing everything in the world.
 
## I haven't heard a response yet and I don't expect one
 
Really, I'm not inflating my own ego here in thinking that this makes a damn bit of difference to anyone.
 
But the reality is that this is the way that I've had my mind changed in the past when I was wrong. So I have a system on how to confront people on issues where they have strong and irrational biases, and it's unlike what people usually experience.
 
People don't experience understanding or compassion online. To most people I'm sure what I do looks like a very elaborate troll. But, if people are anything like me, when they are faced with a compassionate conflict, it stands out. It can be shocking to the system. They'll check back several times and re-read, and think, and reevaluate.
 
Perhaps, this way, we stand a better chance of actually influencing people on a personal level rather than just spewing barf at each other, which does nothing except increase galvanization.
 
## Share your thoughts with me.
 
I'd like to know what you think about this.
 
I think that if more people used these techniques for dealing with cognitive dissonance -- keeping your cool by not taking things personally, showing compassion and understanding, and using reason and facts -- then the Internet could be a less crappy place.
 
The Internet at large could be more like Steemit, and Steemit could maintain it's quality community.
 
That would be cool.
 
:D
 
# Follow me @shayne