This is the hardest post I've ever had to write, and there is a strong mixture of feelings welling up inside of me. I've started to power down my account, but by no means am I planning to leave Steemit. 

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I was originally supposed to move with my roommate this past month to a larger apartment because our other roommate moved out. My boyfriend wanted to move together with us to the new place, and I decided to postpone the move, and help repair his credit so that we could qualify for the places we were applying to. To help me save, he was willing to help split costs with me, and I would help him save money by cooking his meals so he could spend less money going out. That didn't go as planned, he wasn't happy with our relationship and moved out. 

This morning my roommate asked me if and when we would be able to move. He also let me know that it would be easier if he asked one of his friends if he could stay with them, and reminded me of all the friends I have, and how it probably wouldn't be hard at all for me to stay with one of them instead. But, he continued that ideally, if we could, he would want to keep being my roommate until he would move to the mainland to be with his girlfriend in a couple of years. He ended by saying that he enjoys my company a lot, and is willing to wait a few months to see if I could figure my situation out.  

My roommate for the past two years is not just my roommate, he's my best friend, and has been for the past 5 years. We share a studio, completely comfortable and supportive of each other sharing in all of the joy and sadness that has been brought into each of our lives. I know that life is transient, but splitting us up to make the situation easier is something that neither one of us wants. I would be very happy if  could stay his roommate for a little longer. 

**This is why I'm powering down my account.**

He has a good paying job, and I don't work a day job needed to cover the costs to move into a new place. It would make sense for me to pick up a new job. I don't want to do that. This is the first time that my grades in school are doing really well because I'm not working late and covering other people's shifts. If I get a job at this point, with all of my circumstances in mind, I would have to leave Steemit. 

In the past year of me being here, I've been able to learn so much and grow as a person more than I ever had. I've been able to open up and really express how I feel inside, reflect on many of my life's issues and really work out my problems. Being on Steemit is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. It's my greatest outlet of self expression and in many ways Steemit has changed my life and helped my soul. 

I'm sorry to everyone for pulling my delegations. I want to be able to afford to move together with my best friend, I want to keep getting good grades in school, and I want to be able to continue my adventure on Steemit. This is one of the hardest decisions of my life, and I am choosing to love myself, and do what I think would make me the happiest. 

Moving for me will be expensive. There is the cost of cleaning fees, a deposit, repairs, ultility bills, and furniture. The hotel studio we live in is furnished, and our current rent includes utilities. I'm not even sure that after doing this that I'll be able to afford it, but I 'm more than willing to try for the sake of my own happiness. 

I'm crying because I'm scared but also because I'm super grateful for all of the amazing people I met, all of the new things I got to try and learn, and for all of the opportunities that came from just being here. 

Thank you for listening to my story, and if you are able to help by voting or sharing that would mean a lot to me. I finally found something that is worth me dropping my pride and ego for, so I could ask others for help. 

With love,
@shello