Adventures In Evil Zombieland 9
fiction·@steeminganarchy·
0.000 HBDAdventures In Evil Zombieland 9
<html> <p><img src="https://c1.staticflickr.com/4/3582/3484426248_a5770b75ec_b.jpg" width="1024" height="920"/></p> <p>In this episode, a truth teller scorches trendies at a super-trendy mind-controlled dinner party.<br> </p> <p> It’s my lucky night. By some unknown force of nature, my girlfriend has convinced me to go to her parents’ house for a dinner party. My lovely mate wouldn’t listen to reason. <br> </p> <p>“I’d rather sit on a cactus,” I said. She just rolled her eyes and told me to suck it up.<br> </p> <p> So here I am, sucking it up. We’re about to arrive and I feel like I’m being sent into some strange prison camp to be tortured or something. “How many people are going to be there?” I ask out of morbid curiosity. <br> </p> <p> “How the hell should I know?” my sweetheart shoots me down. Oh, well. It’ll be a nice surprise, I’m sure, or so I keep telling myself.<br> </p> <p>We arrive at the middle-class dwelling of my girl’s parents. We’ll refer to them for the remainder of the story as “Bonehead Bob” and “Lamebrain Lisa”. Those aren’t their real names, just thought they were fitting titles.<br> </p> <p>Just for a little background, Bonehead Bob works for a criminal institution that you might have heard of. It’s called the IRS. Lamebrain Lisa is no better. She pretends to care about people’s medical problems for a paycheck, sometimes injects them with poison, and always hands out drugs.<br> </p> <p>Anyway, so as we walk up to the front door of their cookie-cutter, unoriginal house, I notice that the little fountain they had sitting in the grass is gone.<br> </p> <p>Lamebrain Lisa answers the door with a giant, fake, painted on smile. “Hi, it’s so good to see you!” she clamors with feigned excitement. Truth is that she hates me, and I definitely know she’s evil, but we try to be cordial.<br> </p> <p>We put on our best fake smiles and give careless hugs. We walk into the kitchen and find Bonehead Bob sucking on a cheap beer, cooking up a GMO storm, and giggling at the flashing mind melter. <br> </p> <p>Everyone goes through the motions and pretends to like each other. Standard. <br> </p> <p> “So Bob,” I say, “Is everything organic and GMO-free, or are you feeding us poison to create more victims for your wife’s medical mafia racket?”<br> </p> <p>Bob does a great trendy-fake-laugh, especially when he’s drinking. He slaps me on the back and says, “Oh, you funny little conspiracy theorist! I love your jokes!”<br> </p> <p> “You’re a great liar,” I say and return the back slap.<br> </p> <p> “Oh, really, he is something out of left field, isn’t he?” Lamebrain Lisa says as she cringes condescendingly. <br> </p> <p> “We have agencies like the FDA and USDA to make sure things are safe, ya know,” she continues with a sickening smug look on her plastic face. <br> </p> <p>I have no choice but to really laugh at this point out of the sheer ignorance and audacity of such a false statement. </p> <p> I blister this flesh robot with a flamethrower of truth, “Oh, you mean those criminal organizations that are made up of corporate critters from various fatcat companies like Monsanto and Merck who selectively enforce regulations on their competition and knowingly soft-kill people with their high-tech poison? Those so-called benevolent institutions there for our protection which are actually funded by theft backed by the threat of violence known as taxation? Is that what you’re referring to?” <br> </p> <p> “Get your man a beer, dear, he needs it,” she says to her daughter without looking at me. <br> </p> <p>“If it’s that cheap, high-fructose corn syrup and aluminum laced crap, don’t bother,” I scold. I’m definitely feeling the flames of truth and liberty firing out of my vocal chords. “How about some locally made, all natural beer? You two can’t afford it on your fiat funny money salaries?”<br> </p> <p>My girl scowls something wicked at me. Can’t say that I blame her. Of course, it’s all part of my master plan to never be invited to one of these torture sessions again.<br> </p> <p>Ding-dong!<br> More zombies at the door!<br> </p> <p>“Oh, my God! It’s so good to see you!” comes a shrieking, trendy, inauthentic female voice from the front entrance. Some non-intelligible squawking ensues and the voices creep closer.<br> </p> <p>A plastic woman and her paper tiger man walk into the kitchen with fake faces. We do the usual insincere pleasantries and then I ask, “So do you two know the difference between right and wrong?”<br> </p> <p>The painted lady, we’ll call her “Trendy Cindi,” giggles and says, “Oh, my God! Are you one of those funny guys? You look familiar, did I see you on TV or something? Wow, are you famous?”<br> </p> <p>“I most certainly have made no appearances on the mind-programming machine,” I say with a curt grin. <br> “So what do you do for a living?” asks paper tiger. <br> “You mean what do I do to earn my slave tokens known as federal reserve notes?”<br> </p> <p>Uncomfortable silence coupled with slight decrease in fake trendy grins.<br> </p> <p>Lamebrain Lisa breaks the silence and says proudly about the paper tiger, we’ll call him “Cultish Kevin”, “So Kevin here is a major in the military.”<br> </p> <p>My eyes light up at the easy target and say, “Wow, Cultish Kevin, so you have achieved a middle rank in a death cult. I pity your soul.”<br> </p> <p>This offends Bonehead Bob and he yells with his red booze face, “Just what does that mean, conspiracy theorist?”<br> Oh no, he used the “C” word! Now everything I say is irrelevant to those under mind-control!<br> </p> <p>Lamebrain Lisa tries to get away from the death cult talk by saying, “And Cindi here is a sales agent for GSK.” “So she’s a drug pushing prostitute and, by default, also a member of a more loosely affiliated death cult,” I say as I casually crunch some pesticide-laden celery. <br> </p> <p> “Oh my God, you are so funny!” shrieks the pill pimp. She obviously didn’t know I was serious and obviously knows nothing and ignores almost everything. <br> </p> <p> “Ok guys, dinner’s ready! If you’ll kindly make your way to the dining room,” Bonehead happily slurs. <br> A few moments later and we’re all seated in front of the fruits of order-following and theft. “So how many hormones got pumped into that bird to get it to such a monstrous size?” I ask with an inquisitive turn of the head.<br> </p> <p>“Don’t know, don’t care,” Zombie Bonehead says, as if not caring makes him immune from weaponized food.<br> “That’s one of the biggest problems in this world, is people not caring,” I launch another verbal truth jab as I lean back casually. <br> </p> <p>Ding-dong! Another victim at the door.<br> A guy walks in who is so trendy you can cut the trendiness with a chainsaw. <br> “Whatsup, brothers and sisters! I’m right on time for the big feast!” yells the newcomer. We’ll call him “Careless Kyle”.<br> </p> <p>He sits down next to me, happily unaware of the truth bombs that have been raining down. Lamebrain gives him a gargantuan portion of the unnatural edibles.<br> “Hey, you look familiar, bro. Did I see you on TV?” Kyle asks me.<br> “Certainly not. Do you know the difference between right and wrong?” I ask.<br> “What?” he asks, utterly confused. <br> </p> <p>Lamebrain announces with a perky face, “Kyle here does defense contracts. He does quite well.”<br> “You just answered my question. You mean he sells weapons to a death cult in order to supply himself with creature comforts at the expense of everyone. Actually, between Kyle and Kevin here, we have a complete circle of death.” I explain.<br> </p> <p>Zombie Kyle shakes his head and smirks, “Whatever, bro. I’m just trying to get mine, know what I’m sayin’?”<br> “Yeah, I do know what you’re saying. But do you? What you just said is one of the tenets of satanism, self-preservation above all else, no matter who it effects and no matter how wrong it is.” I say as I crunch some veggies. <br> Bob tries to come to the death cult’s defense but I cut him off.<br> “You can’t defend their actions, Bob. You rob people for a living.” </p> <p> “What?” Bonehead bellows.<br> “You’re an IRS auditor. You seize people’s bank accounts, take their houses and other property, all so you can survive yourself. You’re part of the death cult, too. You just perform a different function.” I hammer at the shocked crowd. Well, ok, Cindi isn’t shocked because she’s absolutely clueless.<br> </p> <p>“Taxation is voluntary!” yells Zombie Lamebrain.<br> My girlfriend is on the verge of tears, but I decide to press on. Obedience to truth is more important than anything else.<br> “People with guns will come to my house and take my stuff if I don’t pay taxes, so no, it’s not voluntary,” I fire.<br> </p> <p> Uncomfortable silence.<br> </p> <p>“Did you guys see that new comedy show on CBS?” Bonehead tries to bring trendiness back into the conversation.<br> “You mean that oligarch-owned brainwashing network that has the logo of the eye watching you?” I ask. “By the way, I couldn’t help but notice on the way in that your fountain from the front yard is gone. What happened?”<br> Everyone seems relieved that I actually asked something that doesn’t seem controversial.<br> </p> <p>“Well, the city told me I had to get rid of it because of the drought. It’s new green regulations, ya know.” Bob explains as he guzzles more fake beer.<br> “How do you feel about that, Bob?” I ask genuinely.<br> “Well, it’s necessary for the Earth, so I suppose it’s ok,” Bob says blankly.<br> </p> <p> “Hmmm, that’s strange. So let me see if I have this straight. You can’t have a fountain on your private property. If you do, you’ll have money stolen from you. If you don’t pay, people with guns will either force you into a cage or steal your property via violence. And all this is for the Earth. I might add that the drought is not natural. We haven’t had natural weather in decades due to atmospheric engineering.”<br> </p> <p>Kyle laughs uncontrollably and yells, “What? Conspiracy theorist!”<br> “Are the aliens coming for us?” Lamebrain asks with a cackle.<br> “How often do you look at the sky?” I inquire to no one in particular.<br> </p> <p> Dead silence.<br> “You don’t. If you did, there is a very minuscule chance that you might notice white streaks of chemicals criss-crossing the sky on a regular basis,” I fire back at the dumbed-down group of selfish non-thinking order followers.<br> “You mean contrails? Bonehead asks. “That’s just water vapor! What the hell is wrong with you?” </p> <p> “Anyone care for dessert?” Lamebrain offers a mountain of diabetes on a plate.<br> “I think we’d better be going,” my girlfriend says wearily.<br> You can feel the relief ripple through the uncomfortable crowd.<br> As for myself, I’m thinking that this might be the last trendy dinner my girl begs me to go to.<br> I also have the feeling that I might be single again soon. Oh, well. I did what was right. I spoke the truth. </p> </html>
👍 steeminganarchy, jlufer, trendy1988, canadian-coconut, originate, laurameferax, yojoradijind, miecevikibert, elenafedorenko, elenag, derewerizza, amienevidio, nahabudina, jekotalamut, merelouter, barozelomu, lauratierecco, kenregerser, yuliah, clonewarz, lauritaredeaga, darkfangmulace, leghik91, kierfylaura, majes, digit, jdbry, idnit, christoph3, robotev, robotev1, alexma3x, robotev2, comeup, norbu, murh, wang, kimziv, laonie, midnightoil, laonie9, microluck, sens, berniesanders, dave-hughes, juanmiguelsalas, wongshiying, azaan, bacchist, anyx, poseidon, sisterholics, cheetah, royalmacro, bergy, myfirst, somebody, kingofcoin, flysaga, elfkitchen, fishingvideos, xiaokongcom, xianjun, ethansteem, laonie11, bestoftherest, nelyp, xiaofang, birds90, psitorn, nextgencrypto, clement, dave-mohican, justin, drinkzya, steemservices, nextgenwitness, silversteem, silver, nxtgencrpto16, chloe, nextgen6, nxtgencrpto2, nxtgencrpto13, nxtgencrpto17, pjheinz, wingz, steem1653, blockcodes, maryfromsochi, imag1ne, nulliusinverba, anonymous, kushed, thegoodguy, curie, patrice, hisnameisolllie, cryptochart, numberone, unnsmed, steemwatch, psyduck, stringer, mrlogic, dhrms, steemship, anwenbaumeister, fubar-bdhr, randyclemens, therajmahal, marialin, zoee, bentley, steemservices3, donalddrumpf, theconnoisseur, steemservices5, the.whale, gymrat73, kiwideb, bhatten, lumpy,