![Sunil.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmPrJ4Rg3ZPh9MtX212f2sdT7ELDZ7GaHyia9JPQwVdSzu/Sunil.jpg)

Well, let me tell you that I never wanted to start with this story. This is my first post on steemit after my [introduceyourself](https://steemit.com/introduceyourself/@sunilchavan/learning-to-share-sharing-to-learn-hello-sunil-here) post. Some may say that I am trying to play sympathy card but this is a very important part of my life and I don't how will I share my life experiences, learnings without it.

## The Start

To start with, when I was barely of some 2 years of age I suffered from Polio. Most of you might not have heard about it but it was very much prevalent some 20 to 25 years back in India. Thank God/Nature/Science/Big Bang, India and most of the world is Polio-Free now.

So, polio affected my left leg, it is not as strong as right one and because of this, I have a weird limp gait. In childhood, I never understood that I was different. I used to play cricket with friends and I was doing all childhood stuff. At age of some 13 to 14 years, I started to realize that I am not like "**normal**" people. People use to treat me differently. In those teenage years, I slowly started to go into the shell and ultimately it lead me to depression.

## Struggle

I had moderate, middle-class family background; so I got plenty of food, education and all. I was good at studies, and I believe I had a brain that was doing its work. I completed my degree in Information technology and worked in the I.T. industry too. Fortunately, I didn't need to take any crutches or support. It was not that easy but I was independent. 

But I was still under depression for a long time, like some 15 years. Over the time I became short-tempered and I was drifting away from family. I swamped my self in work to get away with depression, but it worsened the situation. 

Then there was a phase in #life when I fell in love (a couple of times). But it always ended before starting. After a couple of such experiences, I made up my mind that no one will ever fall in love with me. I mean, I used to wonder myself; how a girl will dream a boyfriend with a limp. **I accepted a defeat.**

Then again the same solution, I buried myself in work; and once again it ended up in more depression. It was so bad that I took the biggest decision of my life in this phase. I decided to go through a surgery to improve my gait. Somewhere back of the mind, I knew that this surgery was not going to work. But I was so pissed about my life that still decided to go through it. (*this how it looked like, it's not my photo, I lost it somewhere*)

![Illizarov Apparatus - Wikepedia](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/3a/Ilizarov_Apparatus_External_Fixator.JPG)
[Illizarov Apparatus - Wikipedia](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/3a/Ilizarov_Apparatus_External_Fixator.JPG)

At that time I was at a prime of my career still I took that risk. It took a grueling year of bed rest, casts and all. I had gone through unimaginable pain in this phase, I did it in hope that something good will come out of it. I wished at end of the day I will be worthy enough that somebody will consider me. But........ surgery was unsuccessful, actually, it made the situation worse. I lost all my mobility, it took 6 more months of physiotherapy to get back what I had in first place.

**The same #story again... buried myself in work.**

Then there came the phase of arranged marriage. This might be strange for you guys, but here in India its normal thing. This time too I had gone through so much of humiliation that I don't know how to put it in words.

And I **hit the rock bottom**. I was so pissed with my life (i don't know whether I should share this or not) that I had suicidal thoughts.

## That Magical Day

Then out of nowhere, that one magical day came. I said to myself FU*K the world. This is how I am and I will not give a damn about the world. I accepted myself the way I am.

Acceptance, that was the solution. My whole life changed from that day. I joined the gym, was doing different activities, reading books, enjoying work and life altogether. Life suddenly flipped. Till date, I never understood how it happened.

Now, after some 4 to 5 years when I look back I realized that **solution was right there in front of me**. It was so simple. If I don't accept myself then how others will accept me. If I don't love myself, how others will love me.

That single thought changed my life. 3 years back once again I fell in love but this time end result was different. That girls also loved me like crazy, and she is my wife now.

## Today
I became so much confident that I left my safe, high paying job to start something on my own. As you guys know a startup is not an easy thing but I am enjoying all ups and downs. I am hustling and I am sure that I will achieve all my dreams. Those dreams are big enough to keep me going for years to come.

People used to call me "handicapped", "differently enabled" but I am not that anymore; I am "**exponentially abled**". 

P.S - What I learned from these 15 years of depression is 

> accept yourself, love yourself first, others will follow.