But for me;

I’d love more kids. Truly. My heart aches for it.
But there’s a fear that sits right next to that desire.

Because I don’t know if I’d survive postpartum again.

Postpartum depression destroyed me.Not just in the “I felt sad” way people assume.It stole my joy. It clouded my thoughts. It made me question if I was enough. 

I smiled through it. I showed up. But inside? I was drowning.

And now, even though Id love another baby In the future. The  memory of how dark those days were. It’s loud. It’s heavy. 

This is the part people don’t talk about when they ask if you want more kids.The trauma, the fear.The strength it takes just to admit it.

So if you’ve ever said, “I want more, but I’m scared” you’re not alone. You are brave. You are seen. 
And you don’t have to explain that feeling to anyone.

For now, we will enjoy the present.


![IMG_20211209_170835.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/superkristhel/23w2kqT18N7gr3RfpQNQ9QrTjXCN4BPVxPXkd5dFdQEFAi82Esio3vJG3pTBHQDQuySyW.jpg)