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This is *Naksu.* 

Smallsteps got her delivered in a large sock, on the last day of the advent calendar. While she loves soft toys and names them all, we didn't think that this particular one would be as successful and captivating as it has been, as Naksu now goes anywhere *she is allowed,* and some places she is not. 

![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23tvAwV3gjWxgaBdKWELLjnGwemdBJx56TKjKToUQxbC3YWCYJJJFrfydmU4sd8AFPgTi.png)

I don't know at what age children grow out of their love for soft toys, but it is quite sweet that she still cares for them,  and looks after them. We have been lucky with her in this way, as in 6.5 years, she has broken exactly two things. When she was a baby she put a tear in a page of one of her books and once dropped a unicorn snow globe off a shelf. Both were accidents and both times she was *devastated.*

I think that a part of being a parent is instilling a sense of responsibility and ownership of possessions, which means caring for them and ensuring they are stored in the right places *most of the time.* Kids are kids and they should have some freedom, but there has to be some accountability also. But, in order to have that, expectations have to be set on what is actually counted and calculated, something that we are also trying to teach Smallsteps to not only ask about, but also learn to negotiate some of the terms for herself. 

Negotiation skills are important to learn, as they affect the outcomes of so many of our opportunities, but they are rarely actively taught. Most people believe themselves to be good negotiators, yet seem to omit the feedback from their actual results. It is kind of like how most people believe they are an above average driver. I myself am an average negotiator at best, but the thing that affects me the most is my unwillingness to start the conversations for things that I want. I am hoping that Smallsteps will be bolder than I am, but I am trying to improve in this area also.

>Ask and you shall receive?

*Or be rejected.*

>But at least you know.

And maybe that is what holds me back from *asking* for more, as I have a fear of rejection. But it is not about saving face or anything, more that perhaps I don't want to be disappointed in not getting what I am after, so it is safer not to ask for it at all. Though obviously, this means that I miss opportunities that are on the  table, but I never raised myself up high enough to have a look at the spread. It reminds me of when I was young and there was a girl I had a crush on and would checkout from afar, only to find out *many years later* that she had a crush on me too. 

>Opportunity missed.

I wonder how many opportunities of things we want pass us by in a lifetime, just because we fail to ask for a serve? It doesn't mean we have to take the option, but knowing that the option exists brings more insight and paths, so take it or leave it, we can make more informed decisions. I also wonder how many times I have "made do" with what I have when I didn't actually have to make do, but because I didn't have a clear sight of the resources available, I acted as if all I could see, was all there was. 

>That is never the case.

There are *always* ,more options than we know or understand, and they are all on a spectrum of good to bad, with none of them being totally bad, none of them being totally good. This is even more the case when observed over time, as a good decision in the short term can become less so in the long and vice versa. 

>"Coulda, shoulda, woulda"

No point crying over spilt milk - or milk that spoiled in the bottle because it was left on the counter for too long. At some point, we have to move on and this is actually part of the negotiation that goes on internally with ourselves. Holding on or letting go is a choice, but it is affected by our ability to understand the conditions and make decisions. 

Some things we don't want to let go of because we identify with it. Somethings we can't let go of because while we try to avoid it, if we haven't dealt with it, it still comes back to haunt us. And, if we aren't careful, rather than much-loved, hand-me-down soft toys that we might want to give our children, we pass on the baggage we were never able to let go of ourselves, burdening them unnecessarily. 

I have to negotiate a better deal.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]



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