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> Brainjury: A traumatic experience caused by hearing what one doesn't want to hear.

*Note: I am still working on the definition.* 

Today I went to see an occupational therapist who was charged with testing my physical capabilities through a few tasks. There were some strength tests of grip and pinch which I tested above average for my age, and then some other fine motor-skills testing. One of which is the image attached. 

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![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23yJJcXja6jn6pyCcrnVvZ19oxUvuB6gNGSswSSJYwLXV395Xug3Wn98V6uMaq9fQCzeP.png)


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> That is turned sideways.

But essentially it was boards of three shapes with holes in it that were attached with a plastic not onto threads. Using one hand only at a time, I had to unscrew, reposition, and then recrew into a new position. The first reposition was above my head, the second was below my waist, the third was kneeling and blind, having to reach under a screen, and the fourth to return to the original position. Each section was timed and I tested, *average.* It was mindless work and I didn't rush it, but I also wasn't going slow. My hands tightened and got stiff toward the end.

> I commented that this test seems very much geared toward men, because I think someone like my wife would struggle heavily with it. 

*I thought I would do a bit better than I did,* considering I do this kind of thing pretty regularly when working in the garden and around the house. But I also know I have some finger issues and have got a lot clumsier, but it never feels great to see it highlighted. I am *kind of* used to it, but it always seems like another nail in the coffin. 

But, since I tested average or above, the therapist didn't recommend any physical therapy. However, what she did recommend is "surprise, surprise" cognitive therapy, which she knows I should have got five years ago, but didn't. The physical tasks took about forty minutes all up, but she could clearly see that the demand was not on my body, but on my mind. I often struggle for words, but after concentrating on the screwing and unscrewing, my brain was *screwed.* I even noticed it, because it was such a sterile environment, I could just concentrate on my responses. 

> Brainjury?

Well, at least I heard what I wanted to hear, which is a recommendation for cognitive therapy. I don't think much can help from a functional standpoint, but I do think that working with someone can help me build better strategies to deal with it. As I explained to the therapist today, my own approach is a bit like someone with early onset dementia, trying to coverup the inevitable slips.

After the testing was done, I asked about next steps and schedules and then we had a short discussion about strokes, as the therapist spends half her time with new stroke patients. I mentioned that I wished the treatment approach was not to treat any strokes as mild, because there is no such thing. The effects aren't necessarily physically debilitating, but can have profound effects on life nonetheless. She agreed, and said that unfortunately the treatment plan is focused on the physical aspects, and as a therapist, she wishes they would spend more effort on the cognitive side, because she sees the effects at all levels.

I don't know if any of this will lead to any definitive change, but getting any help brings a better feeling than just being left alone out at sea, with no sail, no oar, and very little drinking water. 

What was good is doing these tests is a bit of fun, even if the results aren't great. And what I think I will do in the summer is build some kind of activity board for Smallsteps to practice her own motor-skills, because I think that she will quite enjoy it. We has already requested that I teach her how to do some things in the shed like hammer nails straight and use a few basic tools, so I think it will be fun to perhaps have her build her own practice wall. 

I think we all have to learn how to deal with brainjury, hearing things we don't want to hear, but today's culture allows us to cancel it, rather than deal with it. We live in our information bubbles, picking and choosing what is easiest for us to hear, rather than what helps us grow the most. Feeling safe, and being secure, are two different things. 

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]


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